Women Drivers (Ed Teachers)!!

I’ve worked hard to teach my kids not to stereotype. But these female drivers’ ed teachers are throwing a tire jack into that plan.

Teacher #1 

The Martyr. Remember her? Complaining about hours and pay while dipping her chocolate bars into a jar of peanut butter as Teen made his way through rush hour traffic.


Teacher #2 

The Chatterbox. Three out of every 5 kids’ parents will end up divorced. ADD increases one’s chance of getting into an accident by 90%. And by the way, the intersection you are entering has the highest percentage of accidents in Northwest Ohio. (Well, at least Teen knows women can do math)

Teacher #3 

 Teen couldn’t quite come up with a label for this one. Indeed it was an unexpected



Was she:

The Racist? Well maybe the people in her neighborhood. Upon seeing our Obama sign, she tells Teen her neighbors would rip it out and burn it for fun or fuel or both.

The Dysfunctional Single Mom? Or perhaps her daughter who stayed out all night. Again. What do you think her punishment should be, she asks Teen while driving on the expressway for the first time. 

EVER. 

Should I ground her for a week, she inquires. Take away her phone?

The Tough Broad? Mind if I deliver this lunch to my cousin? she says, directing Teen down some narrow streets. Soon they’re surrounded by a gang of 9-year olds. Possible Dysfunctional Tough Broad Racist blasts the horn; the kids don’t budge. She gets out of car. She struts up to them. She puffs out her chest. There’s a bit of a showdown. 

Wait a minute, I said.  A showdown?

Now, I'm trying not to overuse this thing, but:





I didn't sign up for risks other than taking Teen through the most dangerous intersection in Northwest Ohio.  Apparently, there are more dangers to Teen Driving then are dreamt of in your worst nightmares.

The kids dispersed and she instructed Teen to park next to a motorcycle.  Home Delivery Multitasking Tough Cookie gets out and hands her scrappy cousin a brown bag. 

He says thanks, hops on the bike and tells them he is heading downtown--for the McCain rally. They make their way out of the hood and continue the discussion of punishments for the daughter.

What was in the brown bag? I asked Teen.  

I dunno.

What kind of neighborhood was it?

I dunno. It had lots of mobile homes. Kinds of dumpy ones.

Hummm. Racists. Gangs. Dumpy trailers. I think I have a label for her.


But I’m not telling Teen.



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Why not give a Nervous-Wreck Mom of a Teen Driver a smiley at HUMOR-BLOGS.

My Harried Week

A Hairy Shrek

A Hairy Potter

A Hairy Happy Dance

and


One Hell of a Celebration

Of

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And of course, HUMOR-BLOGS.

Pre Post Election Blues

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wordless Wednesday on a Tuesday

Are tragedy and comedy two sides of the same coin? The other day I saw these on a lawn in a nearby neighborhood. I was taken aback.















And then a few feet away, I saw this sign:






Posted on All-Top and Humor-Blogs.

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STAY TUNED: COUCH SURFING USA (or the one I said yes to)

1-2-Skip A Few 100! Meg's Blogoversary!!

Three lovely handfuls, a big black lab who attacks people, it is amazing--my 100th post. 

To celebrate I will adhere to the virtual time-honored tradition of sharing some little known facts about myself.

1. I love Wilco.
2. I love micro-brewed beers.



3. I love John Cusack.
4. I'm a wiseass.
5. Not necessarily in that order.

6. I taught English for two years in Tokyo and always introduced myself to my classes with this icebreaker: tell 3 things about yourself and one of them must be a lie. Here are my three:

-When I was 17, I was suspended from school.
-When I was 18, I hitch-hiked across the country.
-When I was 19, I was arrested and put in jail.


Which one is the lie? My Japanese students got it wrong every time.


7. I've never been suspended from school.

8. I’ve been to Nam. Vietnam.



9. And also China, Thailand, South Korea, Europe, Turkey, Mexico, Nicaragua and the Toronto film festival where they have over 300 movies from 55 different countries.

10. I’ve never water-skied barefoot like the Hypocritical One, but I did do a sailing course with Outward Bound in Maine and ended up being an instructor there one summer.

11. I have a huge collection of memorabilia dolls ranging from Barry Goldwater to Barry Gibbs.



12. I’m a member of The Couch Surfing Project.

13. I did a solo backpacking trip to Europe after college.

14. I hate milk.

15. My greatest talent is in arranging the song order on CD mixes. I’m an excellent arranger.

16. And I have excellent taste in music.

17. Like Wilco.

18. I’ve worked for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for four years writing about small school reform.

19.  I recently learned how to add color to my posts.

20. I’m currently drinking white wine because it has fewer carbs than beer.

21. And it’s hell.

22. And I hate it.

23. But not as much as I hate milk.

24. I have choreographed and performed with an Adult Irish step dancing group. And we're on You Tube. And like my friend Randy says, "They just don't let anybody on there."

25. After high school I hitchhiked across the country with my best friend. We were on the road for a month. It was the greatest time of my life.




26. When I was 19, I was arrested for “park curfew” and “unauthorized use of a city swimming pool". In layman’s terms that means skinny-dipping.

27. Ya see, I really am a Hippie for Obama.

28. A wine-drinking Hippie for Obama.

29. But hopefully not for long. The wine-drinking, that is.


You can make my blogoversary by smiley-ing me at Humor Blogs.

Jews: Get Thee Hinies to Florida!

Sarah Silverman who is longer f-ing Matt Damon nor Jimmy Kimmel apparently has some extra energy. Her new mission: The Great Schlep.

Silverman says that Jews are the most liberal people in the US. All except one segment of them--the ones called Nana, Papa, Zadie, and Bubby. She is urging all Jews to hightail it to Florida and convince their grandparent to vote for Obama.

After all, Silverman argues, old Jews and Blacks have a lot in common. They both wear track suits, they both love bling, and everyone they know is dying. Check it out (after the little ones are out of earshot):



The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.


If you're not one of the 8,000,000 people who has seen Silverman's I'm F-ing Matt Damon, click here.

To see Jimmy Kimmel's I'm F-ing Ben Affleck, click here.

To see Hillary Clinton's I'm F-ing Barack Obama, click here.

To see Sarah Palin's I'm F-ing Matt Damon, click the arrow:



To see a cute smiley face that hasn't been getting much action at all, click here at Humor Blogs.

Barack Obama and John Lennon Together

Answer that age old question:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialouge with all the chickens on the other side of the road.




HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. Every chicken in this country deserves the chance to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.



GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.



BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook...

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?



MEG: I don't know. But if there are movie stars and beer on the other side, I am so crossing that road, too.


Is there one you can add?

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In the interest of full disclosure I would love to attribute the above to its original author. But it seems that riddle maker-ups have not yet learned how to copyright their material. Like all good plagiarists, I did tweak it a bit. Anyway, thanks anonymous. Some of you rock.

And thanks to Andrea of Toronto--spouse of Chauffeur Guy for passing it along. Andrea, I will see you at the Toronto International Film Festival.



If you'd like to join us, email me at:



For more chicken jokes and Nanny Goats, check out Humor-Blogs. And come back here at about 4pm and CLICK and VOTE for this post.

Note: this post included both black and white photos.

Road Rage on the Information Highway

I’ve been doing a little blog hopping lately and I’ve noticed a few folks have gotten hit with the anonymous stick it up your behind. That’s when some asshat—I love that word—drops a critical comment.

This then gets everyone in a silent uproar with comments flying back and forth more furiously than angry deaf people signing insults.


I feel badly for Bloggers being hit by these asshats. But I'm here to say that Bloggers you are not alone.

[cue Close Encounters of the Third Kind music]

This kind of rage is going on everywhere—from the Chat Rooms of California to the gossip sites of the New York Islands.

Even on You Tube, whose main purpose should be to watch videos of water buffalo being attached by a crocodile and a pride of lions, anonymous asshats are leaving their tracks.

I mean, what could be more benign than Bonnie Raitt singing a John Prine song?




Yet, dimwits who must be seriously lacking in sudoku puzzles need to add their two cents:

......"The harmonies totally make this song. John Prine may be a great songwriter but he sucks because he refuses to harmonize. Fuck him."......

...."No, fuck you."......

.…."bryan adams just got a redemption point".....

...."Its an Ok song with nice lyrics, but heard better.......Song have some nice melodies and harmonies, but in my opinion lacking some edge and hooks."......

....."Adult contemporary music makes me want to do veerry bad things".......

...."Don't get me started on the talk-singing.".....

....."talk singing? damn i just heard the dumbest thing ive ever heard two days ago and now this!!! what the hell is happening, maybe just too much damn tv,
try reading a book, "talk singing" ahhh you idiot its called rap".....

....."If Bob Dylan could have been anyone he wanted, he'd have been John Prine."........

....."I'm pretty sure, you asshat, that if Dylan were born a generation later, he'd have wanted to be Jeff Tweedy."....

Everybody's a critic, I guess.OK. OK. That last one is mine.


But frankly I don’t get why people waste their time dropping these comments.

Worse still are the folks who waste their time reading them.

But not me, of course.

Or not you reading them here, of course.

Or not my friend Cooper who sent them my way. Thanks Coop!


And speaking of thanks, I'd like to thank Jen of Michigan for this most exclusive award:



But since I already had one, I ripped this one off of her site:



And while I was there I ripped this off, too:




Jen is an Obama supporter and a wonderful writer, a teacher, a mom, a wife, and although I haven’t yet experienced this first hand (hint), a cook. Check out her blog A2EatWrite.



And now I'd like to present this award to three other outstanding bloggers. AND GUYS, IF YOU'RE NOT INTO AWARDS, FEEL FREE TO TAKE THE OBAMA BUTTON:


1) Sensei at A Guy's Guide to Oprah because he is one funny guy who, once folks find out about him, will kick behind on Humor-Blogs. Sensei is also a fellow Wilco fan, but that in no way influenced my decision.

2) Chris Wood at Chris Wood's Blog. Chris is from across the pond and has a sharp wit and a sharp tongue. I admit when I think about him saying words like arses or fuckwitt in a British accent, it's a bit of a turn on.

3) Unfinished Dude at Unfinished Rambling(s) because he's one
H- E - double toothpicks of a rapper. Actually I'm just getting back at him for making fun of my kid in his recent post.



If you like "talk singing", Bob Dylan, or British accents, visit Humor-Blogs and VOTE for this post.


And please deaf folks, no hate mail. Been There. Done That.

OK. OK. It was Neil Diamond hate mail. Still….