Monday, November 10, 2008

Women Drivers (Ed Teachers)!!

I’ve worked hard to teach my kids not to stereotype. But these female drivers’ ed teachers are throwing a tire jack into that plan.

Teacher #1 

The Martyr. Remember her? Complaining about hours and pay while dipping her chocolate bars into a jar of peanut butter as Teen made his way through rush hour traffic.

Teacher #2 

The Chatterbox. Three out of every 5 kids’ parents will end up divorced. ADD increases one’s chance of getting into an accident by 90%. And by the way, the intersection you are entering has the highest percentage of accidents in Northwest Ohio. (Well, at least Teen knows women can do math)

Teacher #3 

 Teen couldn’t quite come up with a label for this one. Indeed it was an unexpected

Was she:

The Racist? Well maybe the people in her neighborhood. Upon seeing our Obama sign, she tells Teen her neighbors would rip it out and burn it for fun or fuel or both.

The Dysfunctional Single Mom? Or perhaps her daughter who stayed out all night. Again. What do you think her punishment should be, she asks Teen while driving on the expressway for the first time. 


Should I ground her for a week, she inquires. Take away her phone?

The Tough Broad? Mind if I deliver this lunch to my cousin? she says, directing Teen down some narrow streets. Soon they’re surrounded by a gang of 9-year olds. Possible Dysfunctional Tough Broad Racist blasts the horn; the kids don’t budge. She gets out of car. She struts up to them. She puffs out her chest. There’s a bit of a showdown. 

Wait a minute, I said.  A showdown?

Now, I'm trying not to overuse this thing, but:

I didn't sign up for risks other than taking Teen through the most dangerous intersection in Northwest Ohio.  Apparently, there are more dangers to Teen Driving then are dreamt of in your worst nightmares.

The kids dispersed and she instructed Teen to park next to a motorcycle.  Home Delivery Multitasking Tough Cookie gets out and hands her scrappy cousin a brown bag. 

He says thanks, hops on the bike and tells them he is heading downtown--for the McCain rally. They make their way out of the hood and continue the discussion of punishments for the daughter.

What was in the brown bag? I asked Teen.  

I dunno.

What kind of neighborhood was it?

I dunno. It had lots of mobile homes. Kinds of dumpy ones.

Hummm. Racists. Gangs. Dumpy trailers. I think I have a label for her.

But I’m not telling Teen.


Why not give a Nervous-Wreck Mom of a Teen Driver a smiley at HUMOR-BLOGS.


for a different kind of girl said...

This is probably why I cringe every time my 11 year old son mentions his desire to learn how to drive ASAP. It's not the rising insurance rates and the freedom he'll have...


Honeybell said...

Good Lord! Good thing my kids like skateboarding. I see a lot of it in their future.

Chris Wood said...

Surely this is good preparation for all the other shit driving can through at him? Like volatile wankers who need a scratching post, or the hilarious sideways drivers?

Jenn Thorson said...

At the risk of making a very old, yet extremely accurate, reference-- Teen has had more driving instructors than Murphy Brown had secretaries, and all of them with strange personal problem.

You might just have to start numbering them.

Anonymous said...

I don't think there's such a thing as overusing the WTF least, not in your life. ;)

Deb said...

Here's another: Alcoholic 65-year-old woman wearing mini-skirts and no bra with a crew cut. WTF kind of a label would SHE get? She was the wife of the driving school owner.

A Free Man said...

Was it "Crazy White-trash Wingnut"?

Catherinette Singleton said...

Wow! Who knew that drivers ed could be so exciting these days. Back in my day my teacher was pretty normal, it was the other teen drivers in my car I had to worry about. Like the one that wasn't paying attention and caused us to almost get hit by a bus.

Good times, good times.

Suzie said...

I dont know how to drive. I want one of these teachers

Sully Sullivan said...

Perhaps having a horrible instructor will only make their driving skills stronger.

Sorry I haven't been around lately and sorry about the other thing too. I still feel bad.

The guest post offer is still open.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Sully: I love it when men say they're sorry!

Maggie, Dammit said...

OMG I need a WTF stamp. OMG OMG OMG.

Anndi said...

Holy crap!

Whatever happened to instructors that get you to drive them home (well, someone's home) for a quickie while you wait in the car? Brown bagging for McCain?

Anndi said...


Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Good Lord, sounds like your teen learned a lot more than how to drive a car.

Laura said...

My daughter didn't have such an exciting driver's ed teacher, just the crazy mother of another student who said to the teacher: "How can you let that girl drive [meaning my daughter} she doesn't know what she's doing?" Umm, that's why she's taking lessons.