Stalking in Malibu

is not easy with loudmouth kids.

"There! In the sunglasses!" my son shrieks. "Is that John Cusack?"
"Not unless he's gained 80 pounds," I try to shish him.
"That woman, there..." my daughter points, "is that Britney and her kids."
"How many times do I have tell you," I push her finger down. "If you see Britney, she won't be with her kids."
"That Corvette. Five 'o clock. Is that Will Smith?" my teen yells.
"Will Smith is black," I whisper. "And not a senior citizen."

We go to Nobu's. Nobu's is closed. We go to Starbucks. Starbucks is empty. The closest we get to any movies stars is the waitress at Paradise Cove who has personally waited on Brad and Angelina before they opened their orphanage.

And as we drive one of the canyon roads, we're pretty sure we see Mel Gibson's garbage cans and John Cusack's gardener. Or John Cusack's garbage cans and Mel Gibson's gardener. Or maybe it was Britney's gardener. Or maybe her new boyfriend. We're not sure.

Anyway....a few days earlier I am told I look like a movie star.

Coming down the escalator at Universal Studios, I am filmed by the Tonight Show crew. I sign a release that my five seconds can be used for a segment on people who look like famous people (or their gardeners).

"Who do I look like?" I prod the young producers.
"Oh, we don't decide. The writers will decide."
"When I was younger," I tell them. "People thought I looked like Meg Ryan."
"No not Meg," a hot guy says. "More like Susan Sarandon."
"Susan Sarandon!" I protest. "You're aging me."
"Dude," a young woman tries to console me. "She's got Tim Robbins."

Tim Robbins? Ummm. OK.



But I'm pretty sure Susan Sarandon doesn't tape her sunglasses together. What do you think?

For more people who look like people, check out Humor-Blogs.