we've all done it. Maybe you've heard of the new Google Goggles, a free email filter that activates after dark and on weekends?
The idea is to help protect people emailing under the influence by asking them to solve five math problems in a minute before sending the message.
I suppose this is a good idea for someone like me.
As you may know, I have no problem expressing my opinion--whether it's Neil Diamond v Neil Young, Sarah Palin v Sarah Silverman v. or Bud Light v. Commodore Perry IPA, or Dogfish 90 Minute, or Stone Ruination, or Bell's Two-Hearted Ale.
But really, in an email, what's the worst that can happen?
Someone accuses me of being the liberal hippie feminist beer snob that I am (with exceptional taste in film and music). And then what? Maybe I don't get invited to their kid's bat mitzvah? And like, I save $50.00. And put it towards more expensive micro brews?
No, it's more when I express myself in the real world, after having a few real beers, that I can get into real trouble.
This is what happened a couple of years ago.
I was at a bar ordering a beer from the bartender when I saw a big guy next to me paying for two Bud Lights. I held up my bottle and calmly and politely said to him, Hey, have you ever had one of these?
I suppose this is a good idea for someone like me.
As you may know, I have no problem expressing my opinion--whether it's Neil Diamond v Neil Young, Sarah Palin v Sarah Silverman v. or Bud Light v. Commodore Perry IPA, or Dogfish 90 Minute, or Stone Ruination, or Bell's Two-Hearted Ale.
But really, in an email, what's the worst that can happen?
Someone accuses me of being the liberal hippie feminist beer snob that I am (with exceptional taste in film and music). And then what? Maybe I don't get invited to their kid's bat mitzvah? And like, I save $50.00. And put it towards more expensive micro brews?
No, it's more when I express myself in the real world, after having a few real beers, that I can get into real trouble.
This is what happened a couple of years ago.
I was at a bar ordering a beer from the bartender when I saw a big guy next to me paying for two Bud Lights. I held up my bottle and calmly and politely said to him, Hey, have you ever had one of these?
His reply, That don't make you a snob, that's makes you a b*tch.
I stood dumbstruck as he took his beers and went to sit down at a table with his girlfriend and another couple. He was right. I was a b*tch (I am nothing if not reflective).
So I strolled over to the table to apologize. The guy told me to go away. I stood where I was and continued my apology (I am nothing if not persistent).
He stood up. Did I mention he was big?
You need to leave now.
Look, I'm only trying to say I'm sorry.
He took a step closer and put his face in mine.
Go. Now.
I stood still. Why are you being so hostile?
His girlfriend stood up. You heard him. Leave.
I held my ground. I'm just trying to talk to you.
If you don't go, I will make you go.
I held my ground. Are you serious? This is what's wrong with the world. People can't work out their problems.
We don't want to work it out. We want you outta here.
The girlfriend stepped closer.
You heard him. Outta here.
The other couple glared up at me.
But I just want to apologize.
Go, he grunted. Before you get hurt.
I held my ground.
Now, he shouted.
Now, she shouted.
OK. (I am nothing if not reasonable--eventually).
So you see, I'm not sure having a protective filter for emails is really what I need. I think it's more along the lines of something like this:
I stood dumbstruck as he took his beers and went to sit down at a table with his girlfriend and another couple. He was right. I was a b*tch (I am nothing if not reflective).
So I strolled over to the table to apologize. The guy told me to go away. I stood where I was and continued my apology (I am nothing if not persistent).
He stood up. Did I mention he was big?
You need to leave now.
Look, I'm only trying to say I'm sorry.
He took a step closer and put his face in mine.
Go. Now.
I stood still. Why are you being so hostile?
His girlfriend stood up. You heard him. Leave.
I held my ground. I'm just trying to talk to you.
If you don't go, I will make you go.
I held my ground. Are you serious? This is what's wrong with the world. People can't work out their problems.
We don't want to work it out. We want you outta here.
The girlfriend stepped closer.
You heard him. Outta here.
The other couple glared up at me.
But I just want to apologize.
Go, he grunted. Before you get hurt.
I held my ground.
Now, he shouted.
Now, she shouted.
OK. (I am nothing if not reasonable--eventually).
So you see, I'm not sure having a protective filter for emails is really what I need. I think it's more along the lines of something like this:
In the interest of full disclosure, I went to a booth and cried for 15 minutes, wondering why we all just couldn't get along.
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Find more unfiltered thoughts at Humor-Blogs.
27 comments:
I never try to appease jerkweeds. You should have just laughed at him. Those google goggles are dangerous. We'll lose a precious source of blog material.
You may be a bitch nut they are assholes!!!!! However I am glad you sat down. Please be sure to sit down when big guys and large groups of scary people tell you to sit down.
i work at a club and the best thing you could learn from that situation is that a lot of people are unreasonable douchebags.
it's better to just let them stew in their own bile.
on the other hand, microbrews rule and the image of budweiser and coors light is like catnip for assholes.
I adore the idea behind Google Googles. Being math illiterate however, I'd never be able to email again. :(
BTW--I love how you held your ground! (how many beers had you had?)
What a pair of shits! To hell with 'em.
Heinous - Good point!
Suzie - I tried to sit with them, but the table was full.
Julius- Where have you been all my life?
Honeybell - How many beers? Don't know. I'm math illiterate, too.
Chris - Now your talking (American English)!
Unfinished: See, you really do need to pray for me.
It's not about getting along - it's about respecting (and understanding)social boundaries.
Wow....His first line was kind of funny, and then he turned out to be a major dick.
Mace or a taser shot would have been completely justified.
Anon - Respecting personal boundaries? How about respecting personal apologies?
Matt - I prefer putting sugar in the gas tank.
Oh wow! Not sure what I would have done.... The last time I got close to getting in a fight, the woman my then-boyfriend was cheating on me with threatened me and started towards me. I was furious and didn't mind the thought of knocking the shit out of someone. My now-ex stopped her, though, and said, "Don't you do it. She'll kick your ass all over the place. She's stronger than she looks."
I'm still not sure how to take that.... That was years ago, though, and without beer. Beer is scary to me.
Good for you, though. You made the right choice in sitting down. They were the problem, not you.
:o) BJ
i totally would have yer back. just saying.
Lady, you have quite a pair. I would have been running my chicken-shit self outta there!
Blogget - I think it was a compliment. What woman wants to look strong.
Ms. Picket - Thanks. And then I would have bought you a DECENT beer. Just sayin'.
Cat - But then I wouldn't had time to drink my beer!
Ouch. I bet they were Republicans. ;)
I will say three Hail Marys and an Our Father for you tonight before I go to bed. Amen.
As far as I know, there is nothing wrong with being both a bitch and a snob. Drinking bud light is drinking formaldehyde which makes you stupid, which makes you confrontational with which means you can't accept an apology and just let it lie. Maybe that weekend the girl didn't give him any, whatever, but personally I blame it on the completely shitty beer he was drinking
Think his name was Joe and he was working on a six-pack?
Free Man - Ditto!
JT - If only the spouse agreed with you. If only...
Anndi - Why is it always Joe Six PacK? Joe the Plumber? Joe on Main Street? I mean, why not something like Julius the Plumber?
And what's wrong with oil from Venezuela?
Oops. Sorry. Rambling...
Joe the Plumber - Sorry. I realize you are a real person from Toledo--my hometown. I saw the TV clip of the question you asked Obama while the candidate was canvassing in your neighborhood.
He rocks, doesn't he?
What beer were you drinking though?
French Fancy - OK. They didn't have any hoppy micro brews there, so I was slumming with Heniken.
Some people are too irrational to even bother with. I think we're seeing a lot more of this lately-- the world is just... unrepentently angry. How dare you try to be nice? :)
I don't know what kind of idiot threatens a woman over Budweiser. You should have busted out the "You're not the boss of me" line. That would have totally sent him over the edge.
Jenn/Jen - You're both right. But honestly, if I had to drink Bud, I might be angry too.
I think the suit looks fabulous! Maybe if we all wore them things wouldn't sting quite so much? Or, then again, maybe that guy could just be nice?
Nah. Let's all wear puffy suits.
Yeah, I probably would've ended up crying while trying to apologize! I'm one of those weepy drunks myself.
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