we've all done it. Maybe you've heard of the new Google Goggles, a free email filter that activates after dark and on weekends?
The idea is to help protect people emailing under the influence by asking them to solve five math problems in a minute before sending the message.
I suppose this is a good idea for someone like me.
As you may know, I have no problem expressing my opinion--whether it's Neil Diamond v Neil Young, Sarah Palin v Sarah Silverman v. or Bud Light v. Commodore Perry IPA, or Dogfish 90 Minute, or Stone Ruination, or Bell's Two-Hearted Ale.
But really, in an email, what's the worst that can happen?
Someone accuses me of being the liberal hippie feminist beer snob that I am (with exceptional taste in film and music). And then what? Maybe I don't get invited to their kid's bat mitzvah? And like, I save $50.00. And put it towards more expensive micro brews?
No, it's more when I express myself in the real world, after having a few real beers, that I can get into real trouble.
This is what happened a couple of years ago.
I was at a bar ordering a beer from the bartender when I saw a big guy next to me paying for two Bud Lights. I held up my bottle and calmly and politely said to him, Hey, have you ever had one of these?
I suppose this is a good idea for someone like me.
As you may know, I have no problem expressing my opinion--whether it's Neil Diamond v Neil Young, Sarah Palin v Sarah Silverman v. or Bud Light v. Commodore Perry IPA, or Dogfish 90 Minute, or Stone Ruination, or Bell's Two-Hearted Ale.
But really, in an email, what's the worst that can happen?
Someone accuses me of being the liberal hippie feminist beer snob that I am (with exceptional taste in film and music). And then what? Maybe I don't get invited to their kid's bat mitzvah? And like, I save $50.00. And put it towards more expensive micro brews?
No, it's more when I express myself in the real world, after having a few real beers, that I can get into real trouble.
This is what happened a couple of years ago.
I was at a bar ordering a beer from the bartender when I saw a big guy next to me paying for two Bud Lights. I held up my bottle and calmly and politely said to him, Hey, have you ever had one of these?
His reply, That don't make you a snob, that's makes you a b*tch.
I stood dumbstruck as he took his beers and went to sit down at a table with his girlfriend and another couple. He was right. I was a b*tch (I am nothing if not reflective).
So I strolled over to the table to apologize. The guy told me to go away. I stood where I was and continued my apology (I am nothing if not persistent).
He stood up. Did I mention he was big?
You need to leave now.
Look, I'm only trying to say I'm sorry.
He took a step closer and put his face in mine.
Go. Now.
I stood still. Why are you being so hostile?
His girlfriend stood up. You heard him. Leave.
I held my ground. I'm just trying to talk to you.
If you don't go, I will make you go.
I held my ground. Are you serious? This is what's wrong with the world. People can't work out their problems.
We don't want to work it out. We want you outta here.
The girlfriend stepped closer.
You heard him. Outta here.
The other couple glared up at me.
But I just want to apologize.
Go, he grunted. Before you get hurt.
I held my ground.
Now, he shouted.
Now, she shouted.
OK. (I am nothing if not reasonable--eventually).
So you see, I'm not sure having a protective filter for emails is really what I need. I think it's more along the lines of something like this:
I stood dumbstruck as he took his beers and went to sit down at a table with his girlfriend and another couple. He was right. I was a b*tch (I am nothing if not reflective).
So I strolled over to the table to apologize. The guy told me to go away. I stood where I was and continued my apology (I am nothing if not persistent).
He stood up. Did I mention he was big?
You need to leave now.
Look, I'm only trying to say I'm sorry.
He took a step closer and put his face in mine.
Go. Now.
I stood still. Why are you being so hostile?
His girlfriend stood up. You heard him. Leave.
I held my ground. I'm just trying to talk to you.
If you don't go, I will make you go.
I held my ground. Are you serious? This is what's wrong with the world. People can't work out their problems.
We don't want to work it out. We want you outta here.
The girlfriend stepped closer.
You heard him. Outta here.
The other couple glared up at me.
But I just want to apologize.
Go, he grunted. Before you get hurt.
I held my ground.
Now, he shouted.
Now, she shouted.
OK. (I am nothing if not reasonable--eventually).
So you see, I'm not sure having a protective filter for emails is really what I need. I think it's more along the lines of something like this:
In the interest of full disclosure, I went to a booth and cried for 15 minutes, wondering why we all just couldn't get along.
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