Friday, September 5, 2008

Rubbers in The Son's Drawer and Other Found Sh*t

As I may have mentioned, the people I live with are...uh, how can I say this tactfully...crazy!

Recenly I decided to clean house--mold was growing in the toilet and it was time--I found a few items of interest that confirms this:

While rummaging through 10-Year Old's drawer, I found these rubbers:

Mind you, they are rubber balloons filled with water, but WTF? Was he planning a surprise attack of some kind?

My family knows that water balloons along with rollerblading were outlawed last December. Ok. Ok. I was the one rollerblading. But do you know how much damage water exploding from a balloon does to oak floors?

While I was putting clean clothes in the spouse's drawer, I found this:

It's an electric shock game. The idea is to place your finger on the transmitter and when the timer stops, the last one to remove their finger gets a shock. I don't even want to think about why it was hidden with his underwear.

While dusting I noticed this:

WTF? That's Judy Garland's head lying there. And I'm pretty sure Groucho or Marilyn didn't do it.

Then later while I was putting the dishes a way, I saw this to-go cup wrapped in clear mailing tape.

I didn't even bother asking.

And when I went to call the pharmacy to refill my Paxil, I saw this snake skin on Grinnie Ginnie:

OK. OK. I put the snake skin there. But that's only because I found it lying on kitchen table. The kitchen table. Where we eat.

Lastly, I was straightening up the den when I found this poem on the desk:

"I love your screaming god art everything obsessive."

Yeah, that's what she said.




--Stalking at the Toronto Film Fest.
--Meg's First Guest Blogger: Unfinished Dude

For more crazy, visit Humor-Blogs.


Anndi said...

There's a snakeskin in my dining room hutch. In a tea cup. Don't ask.

Hey maybe the water balloons are his first line of defence against zombies?



Queen Mutha said...

What a great post! I love your phone. I wish I had one like that. I might never use it, but just to have it would be so cool.

for a different kind of girl said...

I have picked stuff up off the floor in my kid's room that I can't even begin to identify. For all I know, they were mummified body parts. I respect the fact that you can ID the stuff in your family's hiding places.

I'd be scared of the electroshock game. Seriously. The underwear drawer?!?

Meg said...

Anndi - I think Son plans to use the soft air gun for the zombies.

Queen - Thanks so much. Yeah Target!

Different Kind of Girl - You're right. I must advise him to take it to school for his students to play.

Ms Picket To You said...

who DOESN'T have extra water balloons in drawers?

Chris Wood said...

Water balloons? Jesus! I hope you sat him down and talked about safe water.

(unlike a lot of people's supply if recent chemical shit being added means anything)

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Wow, cleaning your house is so much more fun than cleaning mine.

David said...

I think it is terrific that your kid is already becoming comfortable with condoms so that when the day comes that he is banging a daughter of Sarah Palin, he won't become an overnight father.

Meg said...

Ms. Picket - No one in the house, anyway.

Chris -- Safe water, safe sex--it's on my To Do list.

Jen - Since I've never cleaned your house I wouldn't know. Although I suspect you've got better food in the fridge.

David - Alaska, where Palin and her family WILL RESIDE FOREVER, is much too far for me and Son to worry about.

JT said...

My kids love rubbers. As your son would probably tell you, they make the best water balloons cause they bounce better. I always go through when we have a health fiar and swipe as many as I can, they have a huge rubber water balloon fight in the backyard, and we spend weeks picking up the pieces.
And the beer? Belhaven Scottish Ale, imported from Scotland (Say it with a proper Scottish accent now!) The kind in the brown bottle, not the green. MMMMMM, it is so smooth!

Kirsten said...

That's why I never clean!!

Vodka Mom said...

i love the rubbers. :-)

Chat Blanc said...

Hilarious! still, I'm glad I live alone. :)

April said...

Sounds like the best reasons not to clean anymore!

Meg said...

JT -- Nothing better than a good ale and a Scottish accent!!

Kirsten & April -- I wouldn't clean, but occasionally I've got couch surfers here (stay tuned for that story).

Vodka Mom - Yes, rubbers have their uses (ie Levi Johnston).

Chat Blanc - Please don't rub it in.

JD at I Do Things said...

Your family be craaa-zy, but they do sound fun.

Grinnie Ginnie scares me more than that snakeskin.

JD at I Do Things

Anonymous said...

Man that house is F*cked up ! haha

hilarous.. I love reading about your household!

LiteralDan said...

Mmmmm... I'll take sugar-frosted snake skins for my breakfast, please.

Jenn Thorson said...

Marilyn's hair looks like she's just turned her head quickly, hearing something to the side of her, only to discover to her horror that Judy Garland had been beheaded.

Poor Judy. She had a rough life. And there's never going to be enough therapy for Marilyn now.