Friday, September 26, 2008

Not Quite Hot Enough?

This past summer while with my family at Universal Studios, I was interviewed by the Tonight Show staff and told I looked like Susan Sarandon.

WTF? I thought. She's older than I am.

And then I said it out loud.

"WTF?" I said. "She's older than I am."

Well, ever since I've been scouring the pages of InStyle Magazine to see if someone in my age group can wear skinny jeans and embellished tops.

Some people call it a midlife crisis.

I say that it's SIC--Sexual Identity Crisis. I mean, you spend your life being an object of desire and then one day you walk by that construction site and it's silent.

No whistles. Nada.

So you can imagine my elation when me, Meg, the Susan Sarandon look-alike, made the Not Quite Hot Enough Calendar

That's right. Sue and McMommy who didn't make the Hot Blogger Calendar put together this one:

Best of all, I'm in good, hot company. Check it out and you'll find:

Sue at Happy Meals and Happy Hour


Jen from Cheaper Than Therapy

The Dad Jam

Obviously they all seem a bit younger than me. But I'm honored.

I know that it's not long before I head down the same road as that of my closest friend--OK, I've got some time, but she recently decided to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spent $15,000 and felt pretty good about the results. Actually, elated. In fact, on her way home, she stopped at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she said to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'

'About 32,' he replied.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' she said happily.

A little while later she went into McDonald's and asked the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replied, 'I'd guess about 29.' My friend replied with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

She was feeling really good about herself. I mean, really, really good. She stopped in a drug store on her way down the street. She went up to the counter to get some mints and asked the clerk this burning question. The clerk responded, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responded, 'I'm 50, but thank you!' Then she called me on the cell to gloat.

And while waiting for the bus to go home, she asked an old man next to her the same question.

He replied, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They waited in silence on the empty street until her curiosity got the best of her. She finally blurted out, 'What the hell, go ahead.' Yep. That would be a friend of mine.

He slipped both of his hands under her blouse and began to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounced and weighed each breast, she told me and he gently pinched each nipple. He pushed her breasts together and rubbed them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she said, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'

He completed one last squeeze of her breasts, removed his hands, and said, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, my friend said, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man said, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't' she said.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.'


If you'd like to give a not quite hot enough blogger a smiley, visitHumor-Blogs.


Lilacspecs said...

OH! Snap!
LOL, that's a great joke.

for a different kind of girl said...

Meg, you make me smile. You also make me think you're plotting to pull off a military coupe when I see you in the most kick ass photo, and so I sometimes get a little worried when I see it, but in the end, I smile!

HappyHourSue said...

BWahahah- that's awesome. Thanks for the link-love - I'm going to tweet your post.

Jonny's Mommy said...

Funny joke and awful at the same time because I'm sure it has actually happened to someone.

If you do look like Susan S. then you look a lot better -- a lot! Trust me.

Kirsten said...

Good one!
btw, my construction site has been silent for a while now. :(

McMommy said...

ha ha ha!!!! Loved it!!!
Also so happy you played along with the NQHE calendar!!
Susan Sarandon eat your heart out!!

Vodka Mom said...

lol!!! That was fun........

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Love the Not Quite Hot Enough Calendar. Honestly speaking, that, to me, is much hotter than the Hot Bloggers Calendar, just... because.;-)

LOL in terms of your friend.

Chris Wood said...

Very very funny.

Oh and those bloggers? Woof.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Hey, I'm one of those bloggers!! The Not Quite Hot Enough ones.

TroubleX2 said...

I am SOOOOO laughing my butt off! Thanks for a good TeeHee :)

If a face lift costs $15,000....I wonder how much a boob lift would cost?

JD at I Do Things said...

Hey, congrats on making the calendar! I had fun looking at all the submissions. I'd probably need a facelift myself before sending in my photo, but maybe I'll start my own calendar.

JD at I Do Things

jerseygirl89 said...

That was too funny. And congrats on the calendar, it's very cool.

JT said...