Saturday, July 26, 2008

Questions My Exchange Student Might Ask (if he could speak English)

Q Do all American kids eat dinner in front of the TV?

A Only kids whose moms blog.

Q Why is the silverware always in the caddy on the sink board and not in the drawer?

A I’m German, and it’s efficient.

Q I’ve been wearing my sneakers without socks lately. Does it really take three days to do the laundry?

A Dude, they’re in the dryer?

Q Why do you use your bare hand to sweep the ants from the kitchen counter onto the floor instead of a serviette?

A It’s called a napkin.

Q …instead of a napkin. Wait…isn’t that what women use for…

A No. That’s sanitary napkin.

Q You mean there are napkins that are unsanitary?

A Yes. I mean, No. What was your question?

Q The ants, with your bare hand?

A E-ffic-ient.

Q But why do you yell “DIE, ANT, DIE” when you do it?

A Dude, you weren’t listening carefully. I yell, “DIE, ANT, DIE, I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE THE CHUCK NORRIS OF THE ANNOYING CREATURE WORLD AND CAN CARRY 86 TIMES YOUR BODY WEIGHT.”

Q OK. Concerning napkins. Do all Americans use them in their coffee makers?

A Only the ones who forget to buy coffee liners and paper towels.



Q Do you really mean only the ones who blog?

A Now you’re catching on.

Q On a different topic, is it permitted to sneak bottled beer into blues festivals like you did the other day?

A Sacha, such an imagination.

Q It is typical for Americans to begin drinking at 4 pm?

A Like I told you many times, It’s 5 pm somewhere (and he’s supposedly a student with international experience).

Q Why do you keep turning that ceramic vase on your kitchen counter every night?



A Sassy Sally obviously can’t sleep with her clothes on.



Q What does OMFG stand for and why are your kids always saying it?

A I’ll go check on those socks for you now.



p.s. Does anyone know of ant houses that really work?

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9 comments:

Bee said...

I love that Sassy Sally!

Good to see you're taking it upon yourself to teach Sacha about our real culture.

Alice said...

Sassy Sally is creeping me out. And yes, there is an ant house that sort of works but I can't remember what it's called because I just purchased every available brand in the hopes that the ants would choose one of them. Sometimes they're picky.

Jen said...

You can send your exchange student over to my house and he'll see that this is typical American behavior. So funny!!

JD at I Do Things said...

Your foreign exchange student sure is nosy! Tell him to wash his own damn socks!

JD at I Do Things

jt said...

A few answers of my own.....

Watching TV during dinner - We don't let the kids watch TV while eating, but that's only cause we rent and don't want to lose our deposit on the carpet.
Silverware has a drawer?
Yeah, uh filters? We broke down and bought a coffee pot that doesn't need one, cause we never remember napkins, paper towels OR filters.
Clothing in the dryer - isn't that where it's supposed to be?
It's always 5 pm somewhere! Pass me a beer please!

sista #2 said...

I bet Sassy Sally comes alive when the lights go out.

peace
#2

Stephanie M said...

This is what the foreign exchange program is all about, and I am sure the exact reason the powers that be started this cultural learning experience in the first place!! You do us proud.

Jinksy said...

I find the "chair in the bags" are great for sneaking in beers to most festivals. At least early-on, until security catches on. Then you have to play ignorant.

"Oh, I must've left them in there from the last time I visited my aunt's cottage."

Ms Picket To You said...

don't even get me started on friggin ants.

and can i have that naked sally thing?