Monday, July 28, 2008

Why She Prefers Her Fantasy Life Part I

She being me.

I come home from book club a bit tipsy, which is the point of book club as far as I’m concerned. Who has time to read books?

I’m looking forward to plopping down on the sofa, putting my feet up, and with the kids in bed, being in control of the remote.

What fantasy world am I living in?

One look in the family room is the reason I encourage the kids to play Halo.

It’s a tent city in there with blankets draped on chairs, cushions off the sofa. Shoes, super balls, Legos, plastic food, a stuffed Picaku and one athletic sock are strewn about the floor. Teetering on the arm of the sofa is a glass of water with Play Doh stuffed in it.

And in the midst of it all my eBayer, in a Big Boy t-shirt (yes Big Boy, the midget with the fat head) is sitting in the recliner reading an economic journal.

So what does a Harried with Children Woman do?

What else? She picks up.

I scoop up the Legos; I sort the play food by starches and protein.

In my most even tone I say to eBayer, “Did a f-ing tornado hit this room?”

"Can’t you just relax," he says calmly. "Sit down."

I glance at the sofa cushions on the floor. A purple Tootsie Pop is stuck to one. A red Tootsie Pop is stuck to another.

There is no place to sit down.

I give eBayer the Evil Eye. But he never looks up his journal. My mind scans the possibilities of things to do with the journal, but the one I favor seems physically impossible.

And just as I’m ready for my most excellent even-toned comeback I notice it’s not an economics journal at all. It’s a movie script.

And eBayer isn’t wearing Big Boy after all. It’s a Clash t-shirt.

And eBayer isn’t eBayer. He’s John Cusack.

And then John beckons for my help with the script. Me—the most excellent script writer ever.

I join John in the recliner, which is really a double recliner, which is really a double recliner with beer in the drink holders on a deck overlooking the beach in Malibu.

We read and revise until our eyes are sore. Then we close them and do other things.

Oh yeah, here’s what I’m wearing:

Yes, only these. That’s all. Cause John is not only a fan of The Clash and the Cubs, he's a fan of Salvador Dali, too.

I want to thank Jen at the Daily Mish Mash for tagging me for this meme. I usually keep my fantasies to myself.

Vote for this post at Humor-Blogs and check out other fantastical stuff.


Jen said...

Glad you decided to play along. Hope it was therapeutic for you.
I may just have to steal this fantasy myself the next time hubby is sitting like a lump on the couch.

Drowsey Monkey said...

Salvador Dali ...

I love your header! A Cher doll! I never had one of those. She looks so much better pre-surgery. I wonder if they have a post surgery doll?

JD at I Do Things said...

I wanna know more about the Play-Do in the glass of water. Did that end up being part of the Salvador Dali-John Cusack fantasy? I am not awake yet.

JD at I Do Things

Bee said...

My fantasy involves a waterfall, a big rock and a medium rock. In Hawaii. With some guy hula dancers.

Meg said...

Jen: Feel free. I've got lots more.

Drowsey Monkey: Now there's an idea.

JD: Play-Doh in a glass, markers in a glass, dog food in a cereal bowl--NONE OF THESE ARE IN MY CUSACK FANTASY!

Bee: Yes, it has possibilities. What kind of beer is there in Hawaii?

The Hypocritical One said...

Can’t you just relax

This is the kiss of death statement for a husband...for some odd reason, it doesn't help them relax...but the opposite.

Ms Picket To You said...

you can clean up while tipsy? you are my hero.

Jake Titus said...

My kind of book club!!! I think I'll have to start one of those with the guys at the firehouse.

Jake: "Honey have you seen the Patron?"

Mrs. T: "Yeah, it's in the back of the bar. Why?"

Jake: "I don't want to go to the book club empty handed!"

jenniferw said...

I wanna do that (what you did with John Cusack) with Johnny Depp. Like, forever. Can I?

Alice said...

I'm happy as hell that turned into a fantasy, because it was getting a little too real for me. In fact, I took a xanax for you when I heard about the lollipop on the sofa.