Thursday, May 8, 2008

For a Woman, I Do Gross Pretty Well

Like that short story passage by Chuck Palahniuk (the Fight Club author) about a guy ur, pleasuring himself in front of the filter in a swimming pool, you know and where stuff happens and his intestines end up floating in the chlorinated water.

That didn't bother me at all.

Having had 3 natural childbirths, and cleaning up more snot, poo and puke than I can count, I find very little to be gross. But being the feminist and human rights activist I occasionally am, there are other things I find gross. Or maybe obscene is the correct word. Anyway, here's my Thursday 13:


1) With all the starving people in China, ur, well, somewhere anyway, the amount of money we spend in this country on recreation and other luxury items.

2) Like the $460.00 for an overnight trip to an indoor water park with the kids.

3) And the extra $34.90 for Movies on Demand in the room.

4) Moms who watch John Cusack Movie Marathons on demand instead of watching their children play in the wave pool.

5) Overpriced, overcooked chicken tenders in the themed restaurant in said water park.

6) The massive amounts of alcohol needed to wash down said ‘food.’

7) The $90.00 massage needed due to the hangover.

8) The additional $90.00 massage needed to relieve tension of doling out $5 bills for the game arcade because the pool closed at 10 pm and Grosse Pointe Blank wasn’t’ over yet.

9) The $120.00 facial after the massage because if I go COUCH SURFING again in Chicago this summer and happen to run into John Cusack at the Taste Fest, he’d at least look me over.

10) The $42.00 facial waxing because by God, what if he looks me over That Closely!

11) The $292.36 worth of beauty products on the display in spa because natural mineral makeup is also a must have for being ‘looked over' That Closely.

12) Aging women who still have the need to be ‘looked over.’

13) Aging men who apparently don't.



Stay tuned for my Couch Surfing in Chicago story in which I did not see John Cusack.

Visit other Thursday Thirteeners. Visit me at Humor-Blogs.

23 comments:

lv2scpbk said...

Nice lists.

Sandy M said...

LOL< the guy in th epic looks like Keith Richards of the Sones. great list. Happy TT.

Alice said...

Stop already! Not only do I need to go and listen to music, but now I need to check a book out of the library.

Journeywoman said...

Very cute list.

Happy TT.

Meg said...

Yes, it is Keith Richards!!

forgetfulone said...

Yup! All that's pretty gross, though I can't say I'm not guilty of some of it, too. We spend way too much on our kids sometimes. Happy T13!

Toni said...

Great list. Poor Keith...

Lori said...

LOL...great list! It made me laugh more than once. Happy TT and thanks for stopping by:)

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Hee, that's funny, Meg!

How's Toledo? I have family there. Or, I did. I'm not sure any remain... At any rate, I've got a soft spot for the place.

Jen said...

I can relate to you and your fantasies. It used to be John Cusack (sorry) but now he has been replaced by Ryan Gosling or James McAvoy. Still love Cusack, though, just not the same.

Funny TT!! I'm glad I stopped by.

spyscribbler said...

LOL ... how funny! And true. I'm guilty of the natural mineral makeup thing, too.

Jennifer said...

With that intro I TOTALLY expected an ultra-serious post about Darfur and typhoons!

pussreboots said...

Wow... expensive trip. Happy TT.

Natalie said...

Very creative!

Calliope said...

I'm feeling the unfairness about men being allowed to age and be sexy at the same time thing again.

sigh.

Happy TT!

-Celticlibrarian
http://fremontlibraries.wordpress.com

Happy2bme said...

That water park would break me!! Great list!

marnini said...

WHAT A CRYING SHAME!
:)
MARIBETH

shaunesay said...

very funny! We have one of those indoor water parks too, and I can imagine it's super expensive!

annbruce said...

How is Keith Richards still alive?!?

ksd said...

What? You don't think Keith is hot?

CableGirl said...

This list is a classic.... yeah.

April said...

But where TF is the pic of Spitzer's gal?!?
Love Grosse Pointe Blank.
Happy Mom's Day.

WA said...

Oy, I'm off to Mouseland this weekend and that post just gave me a flashback (is that possible?).