Friday, May 9, 2008

Blame It On Your Mother

Not to buck the trend to pay tribute to moms this weekend, but really, my mother is the reason for all my years in therapy. And speaking of therapy, I am reminded of a time several years ago when me and Dr. Chryst and Ksd (because we had no other demands on our time) put together a readers' theatre, called STEW--Stories of Tired, Emotional, Whiners, I Mean, Women.

For Flashback Friday I'm giving you a small helping of STEW. Our script had it all: first dates, diapers, lipstick, paxil, estrogen, shopping. Only that "rhymes with rich" at the arts council said the word 'whiners' was "borderline politically incorrect" and voted down our grant proposal.

Not to be discouraged, we downed several "rhymes with cheers" and changed our title to STEW--Stories of Tired, Emotional Whiners, I Mean, Women ( a borline political incorrect Readers' Theatre). We even had a t-shirt made, although misspelled 'whiners'.

And we were hot.

And in demand.

We performed for college students, the Lion's Club, First Night drunks, that association of university women who have those book sales, that group with all the breastfeeding moms, and those "rhymes with bitch" people at the art museum.

Here's a song from our show (imagine it being sung in tune with all the appropriate theatrical gestures, and really good posture and perky "rhymes with tubes").

And my apologies if 'Skip To My Lou' gets stuck in your head.

Blame it on Your Mother

I lost my lover, what'll I do?
Lost my lover, what'll I do?
Lost my lover, what'll I do?

Blame it on your Mother!

I can't do math, always add wrong.
Can't carry a tune, not even this song.
I love to eat tons of Ding Dongs.

Blame it on your Mother.

Important dates, I always forget.
I've got no sense of humor, not one bit.
My roast beef tastes like sh_t.

Blame it on your Mother.

Saturday night, and I'm all alone.
My teenager takes that tone.
President Bush tapped my phone.

Blame it on your Mother.

Blame, blame, blame it on her.
Blame, blame, (it's the only cure)
Blame, blame, (just look in the mirror)

Blame it on your mother.

Click for more Flashback Fridays. Help my ratings at Humor-Blogs. Visit Ksd at Life Needs a Primer.


CableGirl said...

*snicker* Sure, when in doubt, blame the mother. Do you still have the t-shirt? That's hysterical.

citizen jane said...

What. A. Riot.

Where would therapists be without mothers...

Kori said...

Snort snort, totally love this. I am supposed to see my mom tomorrow, I wonder if I could get her to read this? :)

curlylocks said...

STEW: Stories of tired emotional whiners...OPPS I mean women a borderline politically incorrect reader's theater winner of the first night's longest title award.

The unofficial-official title of that work

adn vrey hapy at for once it weren't my fallt that somethin' was mispeled

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, Meg.

I don't think I really recovered from my mother until I became one myself. Anyone else experience the same phenomenon? (Well, if no one else has, then I guess it isn't really a phenomenon...just a personal quirk...but you know what I mean.)

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, this is good stuff. I'm so glad I found your blog (LOVE the tagline). What a hilarious song. I agree with cablegirl: you must create a T-shirt.

JD at I Do Things

BOSSY said...

Bossy is a little afraid that this is true, not because she has a mother, but because she is one.

musing said...

Now, can't you just see that on a Mother's Day card?

Thank you, Mom (opens it up) Without you my therapist would have one less client!

And glad you stopped by my blog. Arigato.

Ms Picket To You said...

I feel better. And twenty times worse.

Is this normal?

Zenmomma said...

I'm with susandoktor. I let go of my mother stuff when I became a mother myself and it became really clear that we are all just doing the best we can. In retrospect my mom did a lot of stuff right. I let the other stuff fall into that gauzy haze of the distant past.

Although I do comment to my kids about the stuff I'm doing now coming out in their therapy. *g*

April said...

I blame it both on my mother and Bush! I'm hoping the girls stick all the blame on their dad - I know I do!

cardiogirl said...

Love that! Bravo!

Like susandoktor and zenmomma. I understood my mother a bit more once I had kids, but I still think my own kids will take a spin on the therapist's couch in 20 years.

I guess that's the circle of life, eh?

ozymandiaz said...

Man, this makes me wish my mom was all screwed up so I could have traumatic memories and blame shit on her.
stupid well adjusted mom
HA! All I got her form Mother's Day was some specialty chocolates (local hand made), a hand picked bouquet and a hand written poem.

BusyDad said...

Well, not sure if Hallmark will be knocking on your door anytime soon ;)

I think you should have taken the arts council out for some "rhymes with cheers" - you may have gotten your "rhymes with riches" on.

TroubleX2 said...

OMG....that's why I need therapy. I haven't had any yet, and THAT's what is wrong with me! My mother was a biiooooccchhh. You're hysterical and I wish I had found your blog sooner. Thanx for visiting mine :)

Nicole said...

Heh heh!

Yep, love to read the nice tribute blogs, but I also had a therapy-inducing mom, so I appreciate this on a deep level! =)

Love STEW...wish I coulda been there!

IRISHKAT said...

I want to be the newest member of STEW!! Yeah, I too made a therapist very wealthy on all my 'Mom' issues. Guess I picked the wrong profession :(

MadMad said...

That is too funny! I'm already saving up the money my poor daughter's going to need for her therapy...

insane mama said...

Classic... I love the song and I am in therapy 'cause I am a mother