Thinking Outside The Six Pack

My previous post included my persuasive arguments for Teen Son on driving and drinking. Seems now I need to talk to Teen Daughter.

I had a few drinks at a party the other night and asked a friend to take me home. Daughter wanted to know why I didn't drive myself home.

"Because I don't drink and drive," I told her.

"Mom," she said, put off. "You don't have to do that. You just put down the drink and then keep both hands on the steering wheel."

Why didn't I think of that?

posted at Humor-Blogs

In Bed With Muskrat, In The Bath With Bossy

As I was saying, I crashed Blogher and slept with a complete stranger named Vodka Mom.  

But really, she wasn't a complete stranger. We know each other in the bloggy world. The thing folks outside the blogosphere don't get is that we bloggers have the benefits of a real community, and we never have to help anyone move.

Once I figured out who all the bloggers were...and as I said previously it's not that easy...Black Hockey Jesus, for example, is not black.  Anyway, once I figured out who's who, I could talk to them like old pals.

To Nanny Goats: Are you still commuting between the two cities?

To Junk Drawer Kathy:  How was your visit to the Blog Family Robinson?

To JD:  Is your bunion any better?

Yep.  We know all kinds of things about one another.  Which is the real reason for crashing the conference.  

And if one is brave enough to crash a conference, what's to prevent one from crashing a dinner party?

Here I am with some of the Mick Jaggers and Susan Boyles of the bloggy world: Maggie, Sprite, Anymommy, Amy, Sandi, Jessica, Ann, and Anna (Vodka Mom was behind the camera).  On the phone with us was the biggest rock star of all--think Beatles meet the Maharaja kind of status--Braja. 

And if one can crash a dinner, why not a session?  I didn't want to take advantage of conference, so I brought my own pretzels and micro-brews.  I did, however, go to the humor session to support my sistahs.  

Plus I thought I could learn a thing or do.  Which I did.

Jessica of Bern This and Anna of Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder gave some great writing advice:

--Use specific detail.  For example, instead of writing, the man is tall.  You'd write, the man is very tall.  

--Don't use too many unnecessary or useless or redundant words to say what you can say in a paired-down, short, concise, straight to the point manner. 

--Don't use cliches.   I personally thought this tip was worth its weight in gold.

Besides the food and the advice, there were parties.  I had the pleasure of crashing a few of them with Carolyn Online and Ms. Picket (who both look 29) btw. And truly, we did end up in the bathroom with Bossy. Singing I Will Survive.  

And yes, I did end up in bed with Father Muskrat.  I believe he was wearing a paper McDonald's hat on his head and holding a doll in his lap.  We aren't that familiar with one another, but Muskrat knows I collect dolls. My suspicion is that Father Muskrat had the doll because he was trying to impress me and get into my...ah...my... header.  Sorry dude, I don't allow Brats to mingle with Bonos.

But seriously, Blogher was blast (even though there were no Cusack sightings).  It's true that you really can connect to people in the virtual world.  Here's a book by two bloggers who did.  Ms. Pickett and Carolyn formed the type of friendship where you can ask your pal to help you move.  Check it out HERE.

posted at humor-blogs

A Birthday, A Blogoversary, and a Breakup

Today is my birthday and my one year blogoversary. So in the virtual time-honored tradition of Bloggers, I will list some things about myself:

1. This blog used be titled The Suburban Subversive. I worked for days ignoring the kids designing it before I posted. One night before bed, I googled my beautiful new blog and another Suburban Subversive came up.

What the F--K!! (isn’t it silly to do that when everyone knows the word is fuck?)

What the F--K!  I then navigated back to my dashboard and linked onto my blog that way. And guess what? I discovered I was the Surburban Subversive.   With an R!!  So I changed my title to Prefers Her Fantasy Life. Because in my fantasy life I can spell.

2. When I began one year ago I never intended to write a humor blog.  I merely signed up for every catalog out there, including Humor-Blogs.  Then all of a sudden people started voting my stuff on Humor-Blogs.  How could I write rant about politics or the spouse when I was expected to be funny?  I was trapped.

3.  And being trapped writing a humor blog can be difficult when one is going through a separation/divorce.

4.  I've been married for 20 years.

5.  I've wanted to write about the pain and guilt that ending  a history with someone can cause.

6.  And even though it is my decision, the sheer panic that can strike when you're putting your spouse's socks in his sock drawer and you ask yourself,  What the Hell Am I Doing?

7.  And about the countless number of times you ask yourself, What the Hell Am I Doing?

8.  I've wanted to describe how difficult it is to explain to your children that yes, you love their father, yes, you would give a kidney to him, but that the two of you don't work well together.

9.  And the silence you're stricken with when your daughter asks you if you want to die alone.

10. And the despair--yes despair is the best word--for you truly feel despair when you hear this song and long for that kind of hopefulness:

11. And the loneliness--because let's face it, there are only so many distressed-divorcee cards you can pull out with your friends.

12. But instead I wrote about John Cusack and Couch-surfing and my love of micro-brews.

13. And in a way, writing a humor blog has saved me.  

Forcing myself to look for the funny, or at least amusing side of life has kept me from taking my son's soft-air gun and shooting myself in the kneecap.

14. And being part of a humor blogging (and the greater blogging) community and reading all of you guys has given me something to look forward each day when I drink my coffee.

15.  So tonight I will be, where else, at an Irish Pub sharing a birthday drink with some buddies and tomorrow morning, I'll be back in this wonderful virtual world and connecting in some small but necessary way with all of you.  Cheers!

Post, where else, at Humor-Blogs.