Women Drivers (Ed Teachers)!!

I’ve worked hard to teach my kids not to stereotype. But these female drivers’ ed teachers are throwing a tire jack into that plan.

Teacher #1 

The Martyr. Remember her? Complaining about hours and pay while dipping her chocolate bars into a jar of peanut butter as Teen made his way through rush hour traffic.


Teacher #2 

The Chatterbox. Three out of every 5 kids’ parents will end up divorced. ADD increases one’s chance of getting into an accident by 90%. And by the way, the intersection you are entering has the highest percentage of accidents in Northwest Ohio. (Well, at least Teen knows women can do math)

Teacher #3 

 Teen couldn’t quite come up with a label for this one. Indeed it was an unexpected



Was she:

The Racist? Well maybe the people in her neighborhood. Upon seeing our Obama sign, she tells Teen her neighbors would rip it out and burn it for fun or fuel or both.

The Dysfunctional Single Mom? Or perhaps her daughter who stayed out all night. Again. What do you think her punishment should be, she asks Teen while driving on the expressway for the first time. 

EVER. 

Should I ground her for a week, she inquires. Take away her phone?

The Tough Broad? Mind if I deliver this lunch to my cousin? she says, directing Teen down some narrow streets. Soon they’re surrounded by a gang of 9-year olds. Possible Dysfunctional Tough Broad Racist blasts the horn; the kids don’t budge. She gets out of car. She struts up to them. She puffs out her chest. There’s a bit of a showdown. 

Wait a minute, I said.  A showdown?

Now, I'm trying not to overuse this thing, but:





I didn't sign up for risks other than taking Teen through the most dangerous intersection in Northwest Ohio.  Apparently, there are more dangers to Teen Driving then are dreamt of in your worst nightmares.

The kids dispersed and she instructed Teen to park next to a motorcycle.  Home Delivery Multitasking Tough Cookie gets out and hands her scrappy cousin a brown bag. 

He says thanks, hops on the bike and tells them he is heading downtown--for the McCain rally. They make their way out of the hood and continue the discussion of punishments for the daughter.

What was in the brown bag? I asked Teen.  

I dunno.

What kind of neighborhood was it?

I dunno. It had lots of mobile homes. Kinds of dumpy ones.

Hummm. Racists. Gangs. Dumpy trailers. I think I have a label for her.


But I’m not telling Teen.



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Why not give a Nervous-Wreck Mom of a Teen Driver a smiley at HUMOR-BLOGS.

Lessons Teen Learned From Drivers' Ed

1. Know your place in the world. Otherwise your driving instructor will show up 25 minutes late and blame you for not drawing a decent map to your house.

2. Find your voice, or in this case, your horn. Especially when another car starts to back into you in the convenience store parking lot as your late instructor is grabbing a 24 ounce coffee.

3. Value education. It can lead to job with sick day benefits, unlike the job of your late caffeine-addicted driving instructor who is forced to work with a wicked head cold and doesn't hold back on incessant complaining (about the job and the cold) as you negotiate rush hour traffic. For the first time.

4. Use your consumer powers wisely. Dipping your own chocolate bar in a plastic jar of peanut butter from home, while you direct a student driver through rush hour traffic FOR THE FIRST TIME, is more economical than buying Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.



5. Multi-Task. Picking up the next student 20 minutes early after you and your late, stuffed up, over-caffeinated, Hershey's Bar-dipping instructor make your way through an intersection where an SUV runs a red light forcing you to find your brake and horn, IS an effective way to get back on task in your crappy, low-paying job.

6. Share.  Unlike your disgruntled driving teacher who eats the chocolate and peanut butter in front of you and student driver #2 as he brakes and honks his way through rush hour. 

Apparently not realizing how hungry you are. 

Or how much you love chocolate. 

Or how chocolate would make a perfect treat for a teen-driver to take home to an anxiety-ridden mom.

Who really loves chocolate.

And needs it.

Now.

If you like chocolate too, you can vote for this post at Humor-Blogs.