Lessons Teen Learned From Drivers' Ed

1. Know your place in the world. Otherwise your driving instructor will show up 25 minutes late and blame you for not drawing a decent map to your house.

2. Find your voice, or in this case, your horn. Especially when another car starts to back into you in the convenience store parking lot as your late instructor is grabbing a 24 ounce coffee.

3. Value education. It can lead to job with sick day benefits, unlike the job of your late caffeine-addicted driving instructor who is forced to work with a wicked head cold and doesn't hold back on incessant complaining (about the job and the cold) as you negotiate rush hour traffic. For the first time.

4. Use your consumer powers wisely. Dipping your own chocolate bar in a plastic jar of peanut butter from home, while you direct a student driver through rush hour traffic FOR THE FIRST TIME, is more economical than buying Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.



5. Multi-Task. Picking up the next student 20 minutes early after you and your late, stuffed up, over-caffeinated, Hershey's Bar-dipping instructor make your way through an intersection where an SUV runs a red light forcing you to find your brake and horn, IS an effective way to get back on task in your crappy, low-paying job.

6. Share.  Unlike your disgruntled driving teacher who eats the chocolate and peanut butter in front of you and student driver #2 as he brakes and honks his way through rush hour. 

Apparently not realizing how hungry you are. 

Or how much you love chocolate. 

Or how chocolate would make a perfect treat for a teen-driver to take home to an anxiety-ridden mom.

Who really loves chocolate.

And needs it.

Now.

If you like chocolate too, you can vote for this post at Humor-Blogs.

I Blog About Beer (Bottles) So JD Doesn't Have To

Day Four. JD at I Do Things So You Don't Have To does some nice stuff for me. She goes to nude beaches, she buys expensive chocolate, and she gets drunk--all so I don't have to bother (in truth, I have an interest in doing these things myself, but never mind).

Today I am returning the favor. I am blogging about beer (bottles) so JD doesn’t have to.

You see, my eBayer has some…how can I put this delicately…some mistaken notions. He makes a list of things to do and refers to it often so he can scratch off the tasks he’s completed. The list runs from Sunday to Saturday. Not only does it include things to do each day of the week, but it also lists primary goals, such as get a haircut.

I call his list the Billboard Top Ten. Things like play golf are the one hit wonders, making the list one day and quickly crossed out the next. Mow lawn, however, makes his list on Monday and remains on it through the week until he finally bribes the Teen to do on Saturday. Return beer bottles has been on the charts for a solid six months now.

We live near the border of a state that gives back a deposit on bottles. We don’t buy the beer in that state, mind you, but my eBayer figures he can make a few bucks by returning the bottles there. Which...how can I put this delicately...hasn’t happened.

Hence:



and:



and:



and:





Now I personally think having so many empties around sets a bad example for the children. JD, any chance you can return these beer bottles so I don’t have to?

And maybe the rest of you can click Humor-Blogs so I don't have to. This may mean scrolling down, clicking on "more posts" and then scrolling again. But thanks. I'm behind Honey Pie now and it's enough to get me to go back to blogging about...never mind.