A Birthday, A Blogoversary, and a Breakup

Today is my birthday and my one year blogoversary. So in the virtual time-honored tradition of Bloggers, I will list some things about myself:

1. This blog used be titled The Suburban Subversive. I worked for days ignoring the kids designing it before I posted. One night before bed, I googled my beautiful new blog and another Suburban Subversive came up.

What the F--K!! (isn’t it silly to do that when everyone knows the word is fuck?)

What the F--K!  I then navigated back to my dashboard and linked onto my blog that way. And guess what? I discovered I was the Surburban Subversive.   With an R!!  So I changed my title to Prefers Her Fantasy Life. Because in my fantasy life I can spell.

2. When I began one year ago I never intended to write a humor blog.  I merely signed up for every catalog out there, including Humor-Blogs.  Then all of a sudden people started voting my stuff on Humor-Blogs.  How could I write rant about politics or the spouse when I was expected to be funny?  I was trapped.

3.  And being trapped writing a humor blog can be difficult when one is going through a separation/divorce.

4.  I've been married for 20 years.

5.  I've wanted to write about the pain and guilt that ending  a history with someone can cause.

6.  And even though it is my decision, the sheer panic that can strike when you're putting your spouse's socks in his sock drawer and you ask yourself,  What the Hell Am I Doing?

7.  And about the countless number of times you ask yourself, What the Hell Am I Doing?

8.  I've wanted to describe how difficult it is to explain to your children that yes, you love their father, yes, you would give a kidney to him, but that the two of you don't work well together.

9.  And the silence you're stricken with when your daughter asks you if you want to die alone.

10. And the despair--yes despair is the best word--for you truly feel despair when you hear this song and long for that kind of hopefulness:

11. And the loneliness--because let's face it, there are only so many distressed-divorcee cards you can pull out with your friends.

12. But instead I wrote about John Cusack and Couch-surfing and my love of micro-brews.

13. And in a way, writing a humor blog has saved me.  

Forcing myself to look for the funny, or at least amusing side of life has kept me from taking my son's soft-air gun and shooting myself in the kneecap.

14. And being part of a humor blogging (and the greater blogging) community and reading all of you guys has given me something to look forward each day when I drink my coffee.

15.  So tonight I will be, where else, at an Irish Pub sharing a birthday drink with some buddies and tomorrow morning, I'll be back in this wonderful virtual world and connecting in some small but necessary way with all of you.  Cheers!

Post, where else, at Humor-Blogs.

  

Texting, Teens, and Garbage

Does anyone else….


…open the jelly jar and find a wad of peanut butter in it?

…find it odd that according to spell check, peanut butter is two words?

…secretly throw away a soiled clothing item rather than attempt to clean it?

…wonder why Hi and Lois is still in existence?

…have kids who text message from upstairs to ask you a question when you’re downstairs?

…stupidly text back?

Here, in revised format, are my most recent text replies:

To my youngest son -- No, honey, you can’t watch Degrassi 101. Those teen soaps where the kids do drugs, get pregnant, and discover they’re gay are not appropriate for a ten- year old. By the way, is Degrassi on the Nick Toons channel or the N?

To my 12-year old daughter -- Sorry, sweety. I can’t take you to Sephora at the Mall. Remember we were there yesterday and I spent $134.09 at Aeropostale on what, in my day we called underwear. And anyway, when did you stop shopping at Build-A-Bear?

To my 15 1/2-year old -- Darling, I love you. But I can’t take you driving. When you backed out of the driveway yesterday and almost hit that tree, it took more years off my life than when you recently screamed, “why can’t you be like other moms,” after I forgot to order a corsage for the girl you took to the dance.

To my Spousal Unit -- No, I did not get the oil changed. I was too busy ordering kitschy birthday gifts for myself, as there were no gifts, no cake, not even Ben & Jerry’s for me on my special day. And, if you ever ignore my birthday again, I WILL SPLASH YOUR MISDEED ON MY BLOG FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.

p.s. don’t forget tomorrow is garbage day.


And speaking of texting...

the big news here on the Ohio/Michigan border is Detroit Mayor Kilpatrick's text messaging scandal. I'm so glad he's finally admitted his guilt. Check him out on You Tube