Monday, August 31, 2009

That English Teacher Is Trying To Kill Me


I'm all for Teen learning to write--but a 1500-word essay on how a song of Teen's choice relates to Teen's world view... 





The Song of Choice: Blowin' in The Wind

The World View: under-developed

The Word Count So Far: 327

Teen types frantically on the computer in the living room pleading, Mom, Mom what else can I write? What can I say? What does white dove sail mean to you?  Help! This is due.

Welcome to Monday Morning.  

Even though the assignment was started Sunday evening, it takes Writer/Teacher Mom to give him the expert last minute advice: just BS your way through it.

But how?

Did you include the lyrics?

No.

Wouldn't that give you 300 extra words?

Good idea.  He copies and pastes the song.  OK. Now I need 900 more.

Did you talk about Dylan's background?  I mean, adding the name Robert Zimmerman a lone gives you 2 more words, doesn't it?

Great.  OK.  What else? What else? What else? he bangs the mouse on the desk.  

Did you google the background of the song, I say pacing the room like Kramer. Did you write what Dylan said the first time he performed the song: this ain't no protest song?

Ain't...no...protest...song.  That's 4 more words.  I'm at 725.  

Did you mention Pete Seeger?

Pete...Seeger.  That's 727.

No, I mean that Pete Seeger identified the tune as a Negro spiritual.

Negro....spiritual... That's 803 words.

How about Peter, Paul and Mary?  That's at least three more words, I add.

Actually that's four. He attacks the keyboard.

Did you mention Vietnam? Or Greenwich Village? 

Did you mention Enabler? The Other Parental Unit calls from the kitchen?  





Ignore that man behind the refrigerator, I command.  Did you write about having seen Dylan in concert? 

Great...that should give me another 34 words....

How about....

Well, I bet you can imagine the rest.

Or can you? 

If you imagined that Teen came up 20 words short of the 1500 and being late for school, raced out of the house, madly backed up his car on the grass around the car parked behind it, and hit on first try, the fence and on second try, his dad's 1975 Cadillac...

then you've imagined correctly.

But hey.  Teen's world view included world peace, anti-discrimination and gay rights. 

And he did choose a Dylan song.

So This Enabler must have done something right.

**************************

posted at Humor-Blogs










14 comments:

April said...

I imagine that accident will develop Teen's world view all right!

unfinishedrambler said...

Nice to see you back (again) and in rare form, I mean, the same wonderful form you always had here. :)

JD at I Do Things said...

Aw. You're a good mom. Sometimes even the best kids need a little enabling. It's not like you sat down and wrote it for him . . . exactly.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

WTF, indeed! I can't even imagine a high school English teacher assigning that - too early in the semester, they don't have their writing chops yet, and excuse me, but this is kind of "emotional" writing and last I checked teen boys don't do that so well.

This English teacher has steam coming out of her ears.

Cool writing from your end, though. ;-)

Candice said...

You deserve the mother of the year award. :)

ReformingGeek said...

Yeah. I hope you get an "A" on that essay and that Teen has some cash stowed away to pay for the little mishaps with the car.

;-)

Cat said...

You can have a little bit of vengeance thinking of that teacher reading 30 1500 word essays. She deserves to suffer.

for a different kind of girl said...

Dear lord, that teacher is in now way going to read all of those essays! However, there's a part of me that wants to be that teacher just to see what type of essay students who opted for whatever rap song struck their fancy wrote. How many ways can you say the word 'shorty' has impacted one's life?

bernthis said...

you rock. I am stumbling this. Your husband does have a point there however and hopefully car insurance

weirsdo said...

That's o. k. That's how they learn.

sage said...

My mom never helped me! But then she wouldn't have known much about Dylan either.

Chris Wood said...

Driving skills and lyric analysis don't easily fit ... maybe we could hold a seminar?

Debbie said...

Yes, that assignment sounds very extreme to me.

A Free Man said...

I was a horrible driver as a teen - under stress or not. But I loved me a good essay - B.S. King.

Glad yours got it in the end.