Tuesday, August 25, 2009

How I Spent My Midlife Crisis...I Mean, Summer Vacation

Did you ever spend an entire summer taking classes such as Teaching Phonemic Awareness, Teaching Phonics and Spelling for Emergent Readers, and Introduction to the Underlying Principles and Research for Effective Literacy Instruction and discover that you really don't want to renew your teaching license?

It's not that I don't like teaching.  It's the students.  They're big, loud and have terrible tastes in music.  

In my fantasy life, I'd be a Digital Video Disc Recommender (aka Digital Versatile Disc Recommender).  So instead of teaching Reading, I'd stand in front of the Skittles at Block Buster and recommend movies like The Reader--but not to watch with a 13-year old daughter like I did, cause there's lots of sex in it.  

And lots of sex prompts serious discussions with teen girls, such as "Do you think those are real?"  Not to make fun of anyone's tragedy, but the notion that a body can be identified by breast implants gives me one more reason to consider them. 

But of course, I'm getting a divorce. 

And I'm realizing I don't want to be a teacher. 

There are no implants for me in my future. 

And truly, I don't need them.  Here I am with some artists friends:

So you see, I don't need implants.  What I really need is a lift.

Can anyone give me a lift?


BTW, I've been Spoofed by VE.  Check it out HERE.

posted at humor-blogs and Penthouse


April said...

Best of luck to you as you figure out this new life of yours. I, for one, can't wait to see what you do next!

Lilacspecs said...

Good to see you! And maybe try younger kids?

JD at I Do Things said...

Hey, nice rack!

I agree with Lilacspecs. Would teaching be more enticing if the students weren't so big and loud? Or are you thinking of a total change? That sounds rather exciting. I'd like a big change, but I don't know what kind. Maybe implants. YES! Implants!

Mike said...

I think it's a sad state of affairs when the only way they can ID you is with your implants. Soon thugs will have to remove them too.

ReformingGeek said...

I think we all need a anti-gravity cape, similar to Harry Potter's invisibility cape but it would make us appears as if the effects of gravity have not taken place.

I'm sorry about the teaching. ;-(

A Free Man said...

Teaching reading and spelling by phonics annoys me. I mean, I know it is the done thing now, but still. I'm old fashioned.

I'm thinking of moving into secondary teaching. Ignoring lots of friends complaints about it. Don't know if that's a great idea.

Good to see you 'round the internet again.

Cat said...

When you get to be our ages, money spent on a good bra is money well spent. It'll lift the girls and your spirits.

Anonymous said...

Follow your heart, and if teaching is no longer it, then go for it!

Dr. Letitia Wright
The Wright Place TV Show

Kay said...


No real lift here, just wanted to say Hi:)

TommyMac71 said...

Hey I can give you a lift; But didn't your mom tell you not to ride with strangers?

sage said...

the spoof on your blog was great--your summer studies sound absolutely dreadful! I'd hate teaching too. It's good seeing you back posting.

bernthis said...

I agree. Follow your heart. I had no idea you were getting divorced. It's a tough road, I won't lie to you but you need to do what is right. If you need me, let me know, I'm here

Jocelyn said...

Sweetheart, my boobs need to come up three inches to even chat with your "needing a lift" breasties. I think it's posture related for you in this photo. They're as pert as they need to be.

So with you on the IDing a body by the implants. EWWW.

Pearl said...

Nice rack! :-)

And phonics? Phonics rock.


♥ Braja said...

Are yours real?