Warning: The following post includes namedropping.
So I crashed the Blogher conference Friday. Wait. Before the Lesbian Mafia Wing of Blogher come to arrest me and force me listen to Tracy Chapman, I didn’t eat your food or attend your sessions. OK. OK. One session. But it was to support my sistas in humor (more on that later).
Anyway, I called up a random blogger and asked if I could camp out in her room. OK. OK. She wasn’t totally a random blogger. Here’s what I knew about her:
1) her name was Vodkamom
2) she has a daughter called Bitchy
OK. OK. That and she’s a rock star in the bloggy world. Now, I don't know whether she'd hit the sauce early or is simply a totally kind-hearted women* but she said yes.
Wait. I’m sorry. I forget. Some of you play tennis or knit or work for a living.
Let me explain Blogher.
Blogher is yearly conference on blogging with 900 women attendees and 7 men.** It’s the virtual Who’s Who’s of blogging. Just imagine going to a conference and having Mick Jagger, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Bono, and Susan Boyle in the same hotel. Yah, it’s like that. Only with a lactation lounge and skinny biatches passing out chocolates in the lobby.
But we know what Mick Jagger and Susan Boyle look like (I’ll leave that up to you all to decide if that’s a good thing). It’s not so easy to match up these bloggers with their 1" by 1" image. When you meet these rock stars and your Borderline Social Anxiety Tourette's Syndrome rears it’s ugly tongue you say things like:
To:
Father Muskrat: I thought you’d be taller.
Maggie Dammit: Oh, your hair is so dark.
Ms. Picket: You have freckles. I can’t believe you have so many freckles.
Me Heiniken in Hand--Oh!! You’re Busy Dad
Him--Who? Is he a blogger?
Me--Dude, he’s THE mommy blogger.
Him--Busy Dad is a mommy blogger?
Me--No Dude, he’s THE mommy blogger.
Him--Is he any good.? What do you like about his blog?
Me--Dude, he's THE, I mean, you're THE mommy blogger. So good to meet you.
Two Heinekens later I return:
Me--Dude, you're just shitting me, right? You're Busy Dad.
Him--No, really. I’m not Busy Dad.
Me--You’re testing me, right? I know, you’re tired of your groupies and ...
Him--Truly. I'm not Busy Dad.
Me--Dude, think about it. This is conference with 900 women and 7 men. You expect me to believe two of them are Asian-American bloggers with shaved heads. But it's cool, dude. Nice to meet you.
Later that evening I ran into the real Busy Dad. We reminisced about the time he kick-boxed with My John Cusack in Venice Beach.
Yep. It all comes back to John Cusack.
Such is this Conference Crasher’s Midlife Crisis.
Kinda sad, really.
*a totally kind-hearted woman who doesn't snore at all
**Father Muskrat, Black Hockey Jesus, SecondHandKarl, Literal Dan, Backpacking Dad, Busy Dad, and another Asian guy who looks like Busy Dad
**************************************************
Stayed tuned for my conference after party crashing: In The Bath With Bossy, In Bed With Muskrat
posted at Humor-Blogs
22 comments:
Sheesh! We just can't leave you alone for a minute, can we?
Sounds like you had fun!
Actually I believe it was 1480 women and about 20 men. ;)
And no worries, about 3948574 people said the same thing about my hair. And at least half of them instructed me to change my header immediately. So you weren't alone...
In all seriousness, it was awesome having dinner with you.
xo
Sounds like a fun time. :)
You know, I hardly met any men, they were always busy being surrounded by their proportionate 237 women so it was kind of hard to get to them.
Also? Awesome to meet you and beer it up with you!
Kick boxed with John Cusack . . . great reference. "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."
Love the Gene Simmons doll in your header.
It was awesome meeting you. and yes here is to getting laid in '10. Wait a minute? there are still five months left in 09, oh no, does that mean....oh no!!!
I'm sure I would have said something similarly odd to Father Muskrat, who I chat with regularly online BUT...
I'm quite sure if I met him in person my addled brain would be yelling 'Snuggie Butt!' over and over while I tried to make conversation.
"Only with a lactation lounge and skinny biatches passing out chocolates in the lobby." Best description of BlogHer I've seen so far. :) Glad you enjoyed it. Can't wait to hear about you in bed with Muskrat. ;)
Just added you to my reader. You can send a thank-you note to JD at I Do Things.
I never knew I had a doppelganger. That is the coolest fact that I got out of the entire conference. Good thing you ran into the real me, else you might have thought I was a real jerk!! And sorry I couldn't stick around, I had kind of a crisis. You KNOW I would never pass up a beer!
I took a Shakespeare class in high school and loved it because there were two of us guys and 25 girls.... but those days are over for me :)
Why does everyone think I'm a giant online? Cause I threaten to kick people's asses?
Thought so. Damn.
Great meeting you!
Soooo, the reason that you know there were exactly 7 male bloggers, ms self-confessed cougar...
You're a rebel. Cheers Meg!!
Awesome meeting you, Meg! And I'd much rather here your comment about being prettier than the alternative. :)
That dinner was amazing!!!
I can see the whole thing. Which is scary. Truly.
The idea of you and Vodkamom in the same hotel room makes me wonder that I didn't read about the resulting fire on the national news.
What fun. You give me vicarious enjoyment of something I can't afford!
When are they going to bring that stupid conference to Mpls so I can go?
Loved your BlogHer recap. It is one of the funnier ones I've read. Glad you had a fun time.
Busy Dad hires doubles to deal with his fans? If I ever get more than 12 readers, I'll do the same!
I was literally a mile from all the shenanigans but I didn't attend. Glad you had fun! :o)
Wish I had your balls!
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