Monday, February 9, 2009

Something is Rotten in the State of Ohio (Schools)

Or maybe not.  You tell me.

We live in the number one public school district in Ohio. And in exchange for the equivalent of four-year's college tuition in tax dollars, our schools maintain the highest standards.  My Teen, for example, is reading Hamlet.  And Ten-year old is reading a biography of Thomas Jefferson (who, having been corrupted by Hollywood, will always conger Nick Nolte for me).

The other day I sat down to read the biography with my youngest in case he needed any explanation.  And he did.  

But not about the Declaration of Independence.

or Jefferson's on again off again relationship with John Adams.  

Ten-year old was curious about Jefferson's  on again off again relationship with Sally Hemmings.  

Wait, I thought, looking at the book. Can this be right? Are they going there?  OMG!  They are.  

They're really going the Hemmings Way.  

Ten-year Old's questions kept rolling:

Why would Jefferson have babies with his 14-year old servant?  

OMG! What do I say?  

And why so many?  

Turn the page.  Yes. Must turn the page.

Why didn't he claim the children as his?  

Must focus on presidency here.

Did they know he was their father?

Must change topic here.

Why were they brought up to be slaves?  

Must definitely change the topic. 

And Quick.

Teen, I called in desperation, "What did you learn in school today?"

Teen popped his head in the room, "Today we learned that Shakespeare molested young boys."

Posted at Humor-Blogs.


Jenn Thorson said...

Why am I hearing the song, "Whatever happened to the heroes?" running through my head. :)

Mia Watts said...

Ah, early American porn. Public schools do us proud.

Anonymous said...

I certainly can't top Jenn's comment.

You could always move to California. You wouldn't have to worry about them learning things like that because the schools here teach nothing.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

That is still the smartest telling of those stories that I have ever heard.

But they must have gotten the Perez Hilton version of history which I am all about.

NannyGarcia said...

American culture is entirely too prudish. I can't wait till I have my own kids so I can have them out there smoking weed and fucking by middle school.

Just kidding ... about the fucking part anyway.

Raymond Betancourt said...

Well, now we know whose "bare bodkin" Shakespeare was talking about.

The Office Scribe said...

I have never been so proud to have a degree in Creative Writing as I do when people read...

The real stuff is always so much better than anything I could make up.

Doug at Taunt Vortex said...

Somebody needs to get thee to a nunnery. Anon!

for a different kind of girl said...

And people think politics is corrupt now. I can't speak for the majority's opinion of The Bard, though.

Theresa B said...

A perfect example of the difference between teaching (the intent) and learning (the result)...

Let's face it, learning about all the naughty bits in Shakespeare keeps it interesting while the kids are trying to find the plot.

(I have to say, I don't remember learning that Shakespeare molested young boys, but it's been a while since I was in school.)

Chris Wood said...

I think the idea on Shakespeare was that in his day, screwing boys was quite normal at the Globe theatre & elsewhere. Homosexuality as a term didn't exist until the 19th century. A man diddling a boy wasn't considered gay or untoward, it was just a part of life.

Whether or not Bill S did is anyone's guess, but it was rife. Even during the plays - well, some of them do get a little dull.

KayFour said...

Why didn't I learn that stuff when I was in school?

Kevin John said...

School was so much fun..sports, the girls, the parties.

And the learning. that was fun too!
By the way, where exactly is Ohio?

David said...

In high school, my best teacher was for world history and she was always telling us salacious scandals about historical figures and wow was it interesting.

She is the one teacher who's classes I rememmber well 40 years later.

Deb said...

Funny what they teach and what they ban. I had a "discussion" with my son's 6th grade teacher who sent a note home telling parents he planned to show an "R" rated movie in class and we needed to sign the paper acknowledging it. I called the principal. "So?" was his reply. I called the superintendent. "So?" was his reply. I read them both the riot act. I was the ONLY freakin' parent to complain.

sage said...

Good ole Billy Shakespeare. My favorite class in High School was Shakespeare--two guys and 20 some gals and a middle-aged teacher who let us in on all the tidbits! But I was a senior by then.

10 years old seems a little young to start in about Jefferson.

MuseSwings said...

Cowabunga - put those kids in a Catholic school now! There's no sex in those schools. Except with the footbal team and the cheerleaders and the homecoming queen. What was that about Shakspeare? Could you explain that, please? You did hear about Mark Twain and his uhm "butterflies", haven't you?

Chris C said...

Gotta love the Liberal school system. :)

A Free Man said...

The Jefferson thing is a tough call. Certainly 10 year olds probably don't need to know about ALL about Jefferson's indiscretions, but then at the same time he doesn't need to be blindly venerated.

Did Shakespeare molest little boys? Surely not!

Vodka Mom said...

are you shitting me?

Kay said...


Oh wow.... priceless.

But honestly, sheesh

rightonmom said...

Oh dear. Hope they don't cover Oscar Wilde until he's at least 20!

Didn't know Nick played Tom.

Ora - Looking for Offramp said...

Wish we had gotten that version. According to my school, nobody famous ever got lucky with anyone, even their own spouse. You could have 10 kids and still be a virgin.

Father Muskrat said...

Does either of their schools need a teacher's aid or something? Sounds like more fun than practicing law.