Just What The Doctor Ordered--A Bit of Celebrity Stalking

So I'm ready to move on from my Midlife Misery/Skinny Jeans dilemma. At least for the time being.

And nothing moves me faster than a bit of rock star stalking. My victim is this guy:



Brian Vander Ark of the Verve Pipe. Remember him?

His song The Freshman was a hit in the early nineties, or so I was told (by a barfull of people, no less). I had never heard the song because The Snob In Me refuses to listen radio stations that play hits. And even if I happened to hear a hit song and liked it, The Inner Snob of The Snob In Me wouldn't admit that I liked it.

But sometimes The Inner Snob comes back and bites me in the place where my control-top panties work the hardest.

Years ago, I heard Brian play this unbeknownst-to-me hit at a local Irish Pub and exclaimed in a slightly loud and animated way as Meg tends to do when after sitting in an Irish Pub for more than three drinks to everyone in the room how much I loved Brian and the song. It was then I was informed of its stellar status by a rowdy group of this One-Hit-Wonderful-Singer's fans.  

What could I do then? I was outed.

The lyrics are about Brian's ex-girlfriend getting an abortion

and taking an overdoes of drugs 

and dying. 

And you can order the ringtone here!!!

But really, the dying part isn't true.  How do I know this? Because Brian and I are very close. 

At least in my fantasy life.

Remember this refrain:

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

According to Songfacts.com Brian says, "I had rented the movie The Freshmen with Marlon Brando and Matthew Broderick, and the case was just sitting there the next morning and I found myself staring at it. Then I realized that we are all freshmen at some point in our life - why not write a song for all of us?"

Indeed it is a song for all of us. 

At least here in my town. You see, here we have an unofficial Brian Vander Ark fan club, headed by two guys, let's call them Bill and Al, who work to bring Brian to town on a regular basis. Why these two married guys are so obsessed with Brian is better left to their wives to ponder and not me. And so I've had the pleasure of seeing him perform many times in an intimate setting, although not as intimate as I would like, of course.

When I first saw Brian he looked like this: 

and was accompanied by a whiskey bottle.  

But at some point, he stopped being a Freshman, and after a few years, he looked more like this: 

and was accompanied by a wife (younger than me, damn it) and child.

Anyway, after years of fantasizing about listening to Brian sing his heart out--and he does sing his heart out, I was determined to finally meet him and snap a photo at last week's concert. But how to approach him?

I could tell him that I'm a Nobel Prize for Awesomeness award-winning blogger. But I really hate to use my power and position for self-gratification.

I could tell him I'm friends with the infamous Bill and Al. But I'm sure a guy who actually did return home again (to Grand Rapids, Michigan) wouldn't think highly of name-dropping-hanger-on-er.

I could tell him that I'm a song writer, too. Or that I would be if I put my award-winning Guiness Toast to music.

Then Teen put in his four-dollar-coffee-drink's worth of cents in, cause that's what teen do best, and said, Why don't you just introduce yourself and ask for a photo? 

And wouldn't you know it, it worked:

Guys.  I F-ing hate it that they look better with age.

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Here's a great a capella version of The Freshman NOT TO BE MISSED.  REALLY.  And if you have any doubt to this song's stellar status, watch for it on an upcoming episode of American Idol.  Of course The Snob In Me won't watch American Idol, but do let me know how folks butcher it, please.

More one-hit wonders at Humor-Blogs.

STAY TUNED: Another Attempt at Stalking Tweedy.