Dude, Where Have You Been All My Life?

In a brief break from my current cleavage obsession, I’ve found someone who I fancy. Or shall I day whom I fancy?

It’s none other than Jeff Deck, the dude from the Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL) who travels the country correcting errors on government signs with white-out.




TEAL’s mission statement: We do not blame, nor chastise, the authors of these typos. It is natural for mistakes to occur; everybody will slip now and again. But slowly the once-unassailable foundations of spelling are crumbling, and the time has come for the crisis to be addressed.

Hallelujah!


Recently Deck was sentenced to a year of probation for defacing a hand-painted sign at the Grand Canyon and is now banned from the national parks.



That got me to thinking. Maybe while he's taking time off, Deck could volunteer to remedy other language issues.

For starters, how about these babies:




Credit Card disclosure statements are riddled with mistakes. Take this sentence:

Any holder of this consumer credit contract is subject to all claims and defenses which the debtor could assert against the seller of goods or services obtained pursuant hereto or with the proceeds hereof.

Now even I know you’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition.

And hereof is a preposition. And so is the word hereunder in the sentence that follows.

Or at least I think hereunder is a word. But I admit I don't know what hereunder means.

In fact, I don’t get the whole frickin’ thing.


And this one throws me every time:

OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR




I swear I don’t know understand this. I think Deck should rewrite this so I know whether the semi that's about to pass me is close enough to view my cleavage in the mirror or in real life.


And whenever I go to vote my brain hurts. Like with this provision in the MEDICAL MARIJUANA LAW:


A primary caregiver who receives compensation for actual
expenses, including reasonable compensation incurred for services
provided to an eligible qualified patient or person with an
identification card to enable that person to use marijuana under this
article, or for payment for out-of-pocket expenses incurred in
providing those services, or both, shall not, on the sole basis of
that fact, be subject to prosecution or punishment under Section
11359 or 11360.




Are they trying to say that if you’re dealing to a guy with glaucoma, you won’t get busted?

Seriously, what gives? I think Deck needs switch over to paraphrasing. What's the point of correcting spelling and grammar when the whole texts read like you've been smoking medical marijuana.

If Deck does still want to continue to leave his mark on private and public signs, I have a suggestion:

Instead of defacing them, why not stick a Post-It note on them with this stamp?



That way, you’ve made your point and don’t risk being booted away from Old Faithful and the like.

Anyway, Jeff, I respect what you're doing. And the arrest only confirms that you're my typo. Call me.


BTW, Jeff, you're not really correcting typos. You're correcting stupid-ass mistakes, so that whole mission statement makes no sense really. Start there.


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