Sunday, August 24, 2008

Dude, Where Have You Been All My Life?

In a brief break from my current cleavage obsession, I’ve found someone who I fancy. Or shall I day whom I fancy?

It’s none other than Jeff Deck, the dude from the Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL) who travels the country correcting errors on government signs with white-out.




TEAL’s mission statement: We do not blame, nor chastise, the authors of these typos. It is natural for mistakes to occur; everybody will slip now and again. But slowly the once-unassailable foundations of spelling are crumbling, and the time has come for the crisis to be addressed.

Hallelujah!


Recently Deck was sentenced to a year of probation for defacing a hand-painted sign at the Grand Canyon and is now banned from the national parks.



That got me to thinking. Maybe while he's taking time off, Deck could volunteer to remedy other language issues.

For starters, how about these babies:




Credit Card disclosure statements are riddled with mistakes. Take this sentence:

Any holder of this consumer credit contract is subject to all claims and defenses which the debtor could assert against the seller of goods or services obtained pursuant hereto or with the proceeds hereof.

Now even I know you’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition.

And hereof is a preposition. And so is the word hereunder in the sentence that follows.

Or at least I think hereunder is a word. But I admit I don't know what hereunder means.

In fact, I don’t get the whole frickin’ thing.


And this one throws me every time:

OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR




I swear I don’t know understand this. I think Deck should rewrite this so I know whether the semi that's about to pass me is close enough to view my cleavage in the mirror or in real life.


And whenever I go to vote my brain hurts. Like with this provision in the MEDICAL MARIJUANA LAW:


A primary caregiver who receives compensation for actual
expenses, including reasonable compensation incurred for services
provided to an eligible qualified patient or person with an
identification card to enable that person to use marijuana under this
article, or for payment for out-of-pocket expenses incurred in
providing those services, or both, shall not, on the sole basis of
that fact, be subject to prosecution or punishment under Section
11359 or 11360.




Are they trying to say that if you’re dealing to a guy with glaucoma, you won’t get busted?

Seriously, what gives? I think Deck needs switch over to paraphrasing. What's the point of correcting spelling and grammar when the whole texts read like you've been smoking medical marijuana.

If Deck does still want to continue to leave his mark on private and public signs, I have a suggestion:

Instead of defacing them, why not stick a Post-It note on them with this stamp?



That way, you’ve made your point and don’t risk being booted away from Old Faithful and the like.

Anyway, Jeff, I respect what you're doing. And the arrest only confirms that you're my typo. Call me.


BTW, Jeff, you're not really correcting typos. You're correcting stupid-ass mistakes, so that whole mission statement makes no sense really. Start there.


For all kinds of different typos, check out Humor-Blogs where you can VOTE for this post and others.

27 comments:

Chris Wood said...

I seriously think trying to put credit card agreement forms into proper English is a slippery slope to full bore, drooling insanity. Good luck with it!

April said...

Jeff is my hero!
Legalese, however, is an almost entirely different language.
I want that stamp! Giveaway, please?

Laura said...

Love the stamp! (I think the exclamation mark is appropriate here).

With texting, the fine art of the apostrophe is atrophying at an incredible pace. Ah, the horror, the horror.

Vodka Mom said...

WTF! I need that stamp to use on my kindergartner's papers! HA . p.s. love the music- WHO IS IT???

Always Home and Uncool said...

Hmmm ... does he need an assistant? I love correcting the government. Feels like they're earning their tax dollars from me.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I love this guy! Fabulous post, too, Meg. BTW... I left you a little something on my blog today. It looks like you already got one, but I guess that's because you're so brilliant, m'dear!

Meg said...

Chris: Even slipperier is the state of CA trying to fine tune their law on who can grow medical marijuana and how much.

April: I wish I had this stamp--ripped it from the internet. That's probably wrong, isn't it?

Laura: I'm still trying to figure out to use capitals in my texts.

Vodka Mom: I'll excuse you cause you're new here
(and have a great blog)...it's my Jeff Tweedy of Wilco.

Always Home: Yeah, they're using my money still looking for WMD and worse.

Jen: Thanks. One can never have too many. Unless you're that Unfinished Dude.

Meg said...

Chris: Even slipperier is the state of CA trying to fine tune their law on who can grow medical marijuana and how much.

April: I wish I had this stamp--ripped it from the internet. That's probably wrong, isn't it?

Laura: I'm still trying to figure out to use capitals in my texts.

Vodka Mom: I'll excuse you cause you're new here
(and have a great blog)...it's my Jeff Tweedy of Wilco.

Always Home: Yeah, they're using my money still looking for WMD and worse.

Jen: Thanks. One can never have too many. Unless you're that Unfinished Dude.

Meg said...

Meg tends to repeat herself when she drinks.

HappyHourSue said...

Man, do I need a WTF stamp. For my forehead.

JD at I Do Things said...

I think I'm in love.

I didn't get arrested, but I DID feel sort of bad after "defacing" (correcting) a bunch of notices in my mom's condo lobby. Someone wrote a note that chided the phantom corrector for being a know-it-all and not everyone's perfect, etc, etc. I felt bad. For a while.

JD at I Do Things

Sarah♥ said...

Seriously Meg.. LOVE the WTF stamp...

Where can I find one of those?

lol

Meg said...

Sue and Sarah: I'd love to have the stamp, too--for some of those "homework" assignments the kids bring home.

JD: Since you've got experience and since Deck can't enter the parks, there are some things you can do for him!

Suzie said...

If I had that stamp my life would be litttered with little WTF. I am a typo girl I make em I am em. Im sorry

jerseygirl89 said...

I need that stamp.

And I have a crush on your guy too!

for a different kind of girl said...

When I read about Jeff in the newspaper yesterday, I wanted to pluck him from the picture and give him hugs and kisses. He makes the heart of this former editor (guilty of her own mistakes) swoon!

Jay said...

I wish Jeff could do something about all those "SLOW! Children Playing Ahead" signs I see around town.

It's just wrong to publicly stigmatize slow kids like that. They were born that way!

Jeff said...

This post has it all... typo eradication, cleavage and marijuana! Bravo!

unfinishedrambling said...

Yeah, but no pictures of cleavage. Darn it! And no nipple pictures like last post. I'm sooooo disappointed. It almost makes me want to click on the frown face over at Humor-Blogs.com...but not quite. ;)

Meg said...

Suzie: Let's keep it a secret that we're educators.

Jersey Girl: You mean John? Or Colin? Or Jeff?

DKofG: Hmmm. Never thought of that.

Jeff: I try to cover the basics!

Unfinis...: I'm weaning myself from those nipple pics. Pun intended.

Midlife Slices said...

I came to check you out to see exactly how old you really are. Hmmm.....I still can't tell but I think you're somewhere between adolescence and angst which is right where I am. With my talk of hoo hoos (should that have a comma?) and your talk of typos, we should get together since I really need to know how to actually spell hoo hoos...hoohoo's...hoo hoo's, aw forgetit.

Sarah♥ said...

haha, yeah that would be a good stamp for the homework assignments.

Imagine having that in High school.. omg. That would almost be TOO Much fun.

I would use it at work...probably on the doctors orders. You can never read them...

Bee said...

Dude, I’m always ending sentences with a preposition, of.

Whenever my brain stop thinking, I just to right there, of.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I will fight you for him.

Meg said...

Midlife Slices: I'm older than Katie Holmes and younger than Katie Couric.

Sarah: I meant that I would stamp it on the work the teachers assign to my kids-- I am so tired of completing those stupida*s assignments at 7:46 every morning.

Bee: Then you be wrong, kind of.

Immoral: WTF? You're on!!!

Maureen said...

Har! Oh, how I wish I had the guts to correct signs... it would be a full-time job for sure.

But I am way too much of a wimp.

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