Tuesday, July 8, 2008

In Which I Blog About Bangs and Not Beer

Day one of not blogging about beer: I've heard from a faithful reader that I blog about beer too often. And with you all as my witness I will stop. Here and now. Cold turkey. I’m all about pleasing my public, for why else would I click that 'publish post' button instead of restricting my dysfunctional life to notes on pub coasters.

Of course I also click that 'publish post' button so you all can click that Humor-Blogs button so I get beat the crust off of Honey Pie--which just ain't happening. (BTW, I recently voted for my own post not because I think I'm funny, but because Hamell is funny. It seems some of you missed his video clip called Ann Coulter's Snatch. Folks, please, even if you don't like the C word, even if you disagree with Hamell's politics, this is one clever guy. Scroll down and be prepared to laugh. And if Ann Coulter doesn't amuse you, try one of Hamell's songs about fast food or drug use or beer...Oops. Sorry. Must not blog about beer).

Anyway, I'm also backing off on blogging about my 3 Handfuls, who drive me to drink. Of course I say that tongue and cheek. I don’t need an excuse to drink. Rather, I mean, I like to drink. I mean, not to to drown my sorrows or to get drunk and dance on the tables at Mickey Finn's (this is a purely made-up example). No, I drink micro-brewed IPAs for that bitter, hoppy flavor which…Oops beer again. Sorry. This is really hard.

Anyway, today I am blogging about my bangs. A few weeks ago while on vacation in CA, I was told by the Tonight show crew that I looked like this woman:

Thanks to all who said it was a compliment. But Susan Sarandon is like, old. And even though she has Tim Robbins who is a buddy of John Cusack, I used to be told that I look like Meg Ryan who’s actually had John Cusack, if you know what I mean.

So I’m on a mission to look younger.

I go into a hip music store and ask Hot Clerk With Sideburns to help me find a youthful shirt.

Who’s it for?

For me, I say, admiring his high tops.

OK. How’s this? He holds up a shirt with anime characters on it. It was youthful all right--12-year old teenie bopper youthful.

No, that’s not quite right.

Hot Clerk With Sideburns And High Tops leads me to a different table. How’s this one? he says.

This one’s 19-year old cardboard guerilla death metal youthful. At least we’re heading in the right direction.

I shake my head.

Who is this for, really? Hot Young Clerk w/SAHT asks.

Dude, it’s for me.

He walks to a rack under a poster of My Morning Jacket and pulls out a gray shirt.

This one is perfect for you. It has a message on it.

Now I am reduced to Ms Clich├ęd Customer who’ll wear a shirt with a message. I look it over. I quickly consider the anime. But I don't want to disappoint Hot Young Clerk, so I take the message. And it is a pretty cool message:

It features guns turning into musical instruments and says 'Weapons of Choice.'

One problem. I consumed so much beer, I mean, barbeque on vacation that the shirt is too small for me. So what do I do? I cut my bangs—not unlike a 12-year old teenie bopper’s.

Did it work? Do I still look like Susan Sarandon?

Dang. I forgot to take a photo of myself with my new bangs—kind of like sending an email and forgetting the attachment.

OK. Well. Stayed tuned for the next post in which I reveal my bangs (and not how much I love Stone Brewery's Ruination. Sorry. More beer. I guess I suck at this).

p.s. Is there an age cut off for high tops?

HELP!!! My ratings are sinking and it's enough for me to crack open a b.... never mind. Just please click here.


Ms Picket To You said...

You tease.

Also, never ever never, stop talking about beer, beer drinking or beer. If you do, I will have to consider rehab and no, no, no.

Off to vote for you. After I figure out the crazy words at the bottom. Hard to decipher after, um, beer.

Meg said...

Thank you Ms. Picket. I love you.

Alice said...

Who in the hell told you to stop blogging about beer? Sacrilege.

And now I'm immediately going to go and figure out this smiley system so I can vote for you. Since I just voted all over for myself. Thanks for the shout out! Looking forward to the bang action (but really..don't do it. Dorothy Hamill....BADDDDD)

Manager Mom said...

I have always said, if you are trying to remain a MILF on a budget, bangs are cheaper than botox.

Crack a beer for me, too, willya? And I just joined humor blogs. How do I get in on this voting stuff?

Jeffrey Ellis said...

Heh. You think you post too much about beer? Hell, Beer is a guest poster on my blog. He's actually the front-runner for the position of humor muse.

Brent Diggs said...

Good try on going beer free, that twelve step must be working for you.

gaining some lb's said...

You are not going to blog about beer? Isnt that against some kind of law? i'm sure it is.

Doc stop buying beer and now you are not talking about it? What am I going to read???

This is just not right.
I am mad
I think I will have a beer and talk allllll about it.


Meg said...

Thank you, everyone. I need all the support I can get right now.

At least I can fantasize about blogging about beer. They can't take that away from me.

Always Home and Uncool said...

Screw the public. Beer all night long. I quaff to you. Glad I found your blog.

Diesel said...

Ok, ok. I clicked for you.

for a different kind of girl said...

As one who rocked (in my mind, so screw you, indiscriminate stranger who shot me a sideways look last night!) my skull and crossbones Chucks and pigtails to work yesterday, I say no, you are never too old for hightops and cool rocker shirts. Ever!

Lilacspecs said...

I think high tops can be worn till your hair turns grey.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey sat next to Susan Sarandon at a Mets game once and yes, you do resemble her a bit. Although she was wearing a Teamsters jacket at the time. Do you have one of those?

Meg said...

Always Uncool: I like your philosophy.

Diesel: Thank-you, but you created this nightmare.

Different Kind of Girl: Will you be my new best friend?

Lilacpecs: Do you mean ALL grey?

Ricky: I had the words 'We Believe Union' on my wedding cake. Does that count?

Momo Fali said...

Huh. I didn't think it was possible to discuss beer too much. Beer is goooooood.

Apple Joos said...

Maybe they meant you looked like Susan Sarandon when she was in Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'd take being told I look like Janet (in my underwear) as a compliment!

I've met ton of Ohioans during this whole SITS thing! I'm in Akron.

ML said...

Don't stop talking about beer and kids! Sometimes thats all we have to talk about in our day to day! (Sad isn't it)
About looking younger, there is a fine line between trying to look young and looking young. Go with what you want to wear not what a young clerk tells you. (I do like the T-shirt though!)
Just ignore that I bought $165 hip jeans because my much younger friends talked me into it!

Daniel said...

I have always found Susan Sarandon to be a hottie, albeit now an older hottie.

I get told I look like Sean Connery and not the younger James Bond version...although I prefer to assume that is what they mean. He was good looking then. But then someone mentions what a misogynist he is and all bets are off.

Randall said...


You don't need to look like Susan Sarandon. You're a beautiful lady. Of course this is obscured a bit by the sunglasses and army cap.

Meg said...

Thanks for the compliments. I actually did win a Rocky Horror Picture Show contest once in my younger days. Still know all the words to "Damn It, Janet."

Philly said...

No beer talk? Balls!


Jen of A2eatwrite said...

It's your blog... blog about whatever strikes your fancy... (and if it's fancy beer? So be it!)

In response to your response; of COURSE I know Richard Thompson! Lucky you. He was sold out, right? You need to let me know when you're coming up next time. Actually, I was at a book club last night, butchering The Namesake.

Bee said...

Listen, (or you know, read) I think we are ALL better bloggers when we have a little somethin' somethin' (BEER/TEQUILA/VODKA) while and when we blog.

I vote "No" on operation No Booze.

Jake Titus said...

Susan,...I mean Meg,
You are my hero for two reasons.
1. Beer postings
2. Shameless Humor-blog pandering.
Keep up the good work

jt said...

I'll vote for you any day of the week, BUT ONLY IF YOU KEEP TALKING BEER! I need my fix, man! You're driving me to drink by not wanting to talk beer anymore, oh dear god, pour me another one.
By the way, I tagged you for a meme, LOL, 3 things your other half has to say about you. And now I'm supposed to end the comment with a pthththth?

www.restlesshousewife.com said...

You're frickin' hilarious - I can't believe you didn't attach a photo of your new do!

AND - do not - I repeat - do not stop blogging about b**r!

cardiogirl said...

I cannot speak to an age cutoff for HIGH tops. However, I am 40 and I have at least eight pairs of Converse Low Tops that I toggle between wearing each day. Even my kids help me decide which color to wear each morning.

So there is definitely no age cutoff for LOW tops. Again, high tops are not my forte.