Traveling With Kids Increases Alcohol Consumption

You already knew that. But really, creativity while traveling is overrated AND A PAIN IN THE BEHIND.

While we’re crossing the Mojave Desert, my kids can’t play GameBoys like other kids. No, they waste precious hours by videotaping. My daughter turns the camera on herself and lipsyncs while her brothers belt out “This Land is Your Land.” After making a mockery of Woody Guthrie, they sing every song that Simple Plan ever recorded. And then Greenday.

And do you think that just once they could look out the window and enjoy the barren landscape. Not our kids. They’re more interested in making bets on how high the temperature will climb. And then they take snapshots of each and every change.



Spending time at a friend’s house proves to be an equal disaster. Instead of staying out of our way by watching TV, the kids insist on picking fruit from the trees in the yard and killing two hours making fresh orange juice, grapefruit juice and lemonade.



When it comes time to clean up, they disappear to the pool where they each toss in their shoes to see whose will make it across the water the fastest. I mean, think of the money we wasted on iPods!!!



And stopping in a restaurant is no better. They can’t be content to do the word scramble on the placemat. Not them. First, they must sample every form of artificial sweetener on the table and then, after discovering a fun poster in the bathroom, they take turns running in and out reporting on the effects of beer.



Mom, did you know beer plus a sad face makes you happy and cross-eyed? Mom, did you know beer plus a fat woman makes you see a thin woman? Mom, did you know that....

Very interesting, I interrupt. But kids, did you know that beer plus noisy children makes you drink more beer? So run over there and get me the waiter! Pronto!

For more on beer, GameBoys and lemonade, check out Humor-Blogs.