Friday, May 23, 2008

Dude, Get Off Of My Cloud

Isn’t it enough that Kristi Yamaguchi is a championship skater? Why does she have to steal the title in Dancing with the Stars? I firmly believe the contestants on that show should be limited to the Danny Bonaduces of the world who are trying to rekindle their careers.

And business-tycoon-turned-TV-star Donald Trump? I mean he’s got the hair, the young wife and the Barron. Why does he need the apprentice?

What’s with all the crossover? Singer Jessica Simpson becomes an actor, actor Scarlett Jo Hansson becomes a singer, stand up comic Howie Mandel becomes a game show host, body-builder Arnold Swartzenegger becomes an actor, a Kennedy and now a governor. And all of them, I bet, have authored children’s books.

Here’s what ticks me off the most: the vanity cards of TV producer Chuck Lorre’s (Two and a Half Men). Vanity Cards are quick images flashed at the end of a show typically to identify a show’s creator. Kind of like a trademark or signature.

But that’s not enough for Lorre. For years, he’s been using his vanity cards to express his opinions on Hollywood, network executives and his own family issues.

I mean, folks, isn’t this what we all call BLOGGING?

In one early card, Lorre wrote: “I believe that beer is a gateway drug that leads, inevitably, to vodka.” After an intense consultation with ABC execs, his next card read “I now believe I was very, very, wrong. Beer is good. Especially beer brewed by major manufacturers, and enjoyed in a responsible fashion.”

And the guy’s got a website and a cult following to boot, and I’m sure a children’s book on the way.

I, for one, am opposed to this dude honing in on our territory. If Lorre is bored with producing he should have Kristi teach him to tango and audition for Dancing with the Stars.

We Bloggers must remain the masters of our domain. But still, vanity cards are kind of a cool idea. I mean, if I had do one at the end of this post, it might read something like this:

I believe there are too many mommy bloggers who do scrapbooking, too many humor bloggers who hold caption contests, and too few celebrity bloggers who follow John Cusack. I believe Bossy and I should couch surf our way through an excellent road trip to all of the cities where John Cusack movies were filmed. I believe I love Bossy who loves Dooce who loves all of her scrapbooking, caption contest holding humor bloggers. I believe Diesel should show me some love and comment on my post. I also believe that Jessica Simpson can’t act and that beer is good. But only micro-brew beer, not Bud.

What would your vanity card say?

ps Stayed tuned for my “Name That Doll Caption Contest.”

For more vanity, check out Humor-Blogs. For more Beer, scroll down.


Kori said...

Um, I have no idea what my vanity card would say, one because I have never actually heard of that until reading this post (I followed you over here, cyber-stalking style, from 42)and two because you are now the third of three people who know and love John Cusack. 'Nuff said.

CableGirl said...

Ahhhhh, John Cusack. I've always loved him.... ever since The Sure Thing... or was it 16 Candles.

Gotta think about that vanity card thing...

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

My brains are dripping today... will have to think about vanity cards tomorrow.

Great post, though!

Diesel said...

One comment of love, as you requested.

Jinksy said...

My Vanity Card would read:

"Humor is a skill that should not be taken lightly. It takes years (or in my case - seconds) to hone any craft, and humor writing (and blogging) is no different. Something written by a single person and read by dozens of people is always funnier than the written word crafted by hundreds and presented to millions. Its not my fault if you don't understand that I'm funny. Deal with it."

A little arrogant, but well suited.

Alice said...

You'll be happy to know that I'm not a scrapper. I'm happy to know that too.

Suburban Hippie said...

I am a used to be scrapper who doesn't have time any more because she goes to community college... does it get any sadder?

My card would read "did you park like that on purpose?"

April said...

It's all a lot of fun until someone loses an eye - or a good credit rating.


My card would read as follows......"She blogs because she's too unsightly for TV or the movie industry."

Unless they want to remake 'Roseanne' and they need to cast a crass fat lady. In which case, I'd have to change my vanity card.

Manager Mom said...

I have no vanity anymore. It has been beaten out of me YEARS ago.

And, um, I have had a few glasses of wine tonight but have I really had enough where that picture of Danny Bonaduce's chest was looking kind of hot?

God help us all.

musing said...

Yay, John Cusack! I just love him. I mean, how many actors could pull off a romantic comedy about a hit man?

Charlotta-love said...

I think you should request that Diesel post at least three comments on every blog in the future...

ps. thanks for stopping by!

OHmommy said...


Eye candy.

Kelley said...

Love me or I will punch you in the pancreas, or release my ninja.

I linked to Dooce once, she never came. I am being to think that she is Ninja. Or a robot. Or a childrens book author.

ksd said...

Are you implying Danny Bonaduce isn't as hot as John Cusack? Silly girl!

Karen MEG said...

Vanity card, hmmm... one that resonates through my mind is the "sit, ubu sit"... I think? I don't even remember who the heck that was or what show. Effective, wouldn't you say?

You are one funny, funny lady. And I've been bad, haven't visited Diesel in a while either.