Sunday, January 11, 2009

Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part Two)

If you’re not up to speed on the story of my Buddhist Buddy’s bear-ish balls accidentally dangling in the face of a tiny Japanese man, scroll down.

Today’s post unfortunately will not be about “bare” anything. Nor show a "bare" anything.

Today’s post is about drugs.

But first, I’d like to say that I in no way mean to stereotype Buddhists here. Buddhists are people, too. In fact Buddhists come in all shapes and sizes.

They can be gay Bears like this guy:

They can be gay Twinkies like this guy:

They can be Straight Studs like this guy claims to be:

They can even be Female Cougars like this very attractive and obviously younger-looking-than-her age woman:

This purpose here is not to make fun of Buddhists, even though their orange dresses make them a perfect target. The point here is to share the wonderful stuff I am learning from one particular Buddhist Buddy.

First off, Buddhist Buddy has taught me that we all have a Self-Desirous nature. And he’s not talking about the kind that makes a person blind. 

He’s speaking of the idea that we think about ourselves first and about what we can do to make ourselves happy. Instead of being attached to our desirous nature, he says, we need to feel compassion towards all people.

Yes, even Dick Cheney.

For example, when someone is suffering, we need to feel, and hopefully act in, a compassionate way towards that person. Basically when others feel pain, we should become one with them and feel their pain. Likewise, when others feel joy, we should become one with them and feel their joy.

Having the nature of a Hippie Chick I’m totally digging this line of thought.

I’ve also learned from Buddhist Buddy that life is suffering and the only way to escape from it is to work with one’s own mind.

And though Buddy is a devote Buddhist who takes his practice very seriously, he admits that other things can help with suffering as well.

Yes, Buddhist Buddy is a card-carrying recipient of medical Mary Jane.

He lives in the great state of California, and while they oddly aren’t on board with gays and lesbians getting married and allowing them to be as miserable as the rest of us married folk, they have seen the light of the medicinal wonders of this herb.

I’ve learned that there are clubs dispensaries where one goes to get the herb. Big comfortable sofas, H-D movie screens and of course, all the baked goods one could ever hope for.

Buddhist Buddy, who does indeed have a legit reason for needing this herb, tells me one doesn't have to smoke the herb the old fashioned way, for that would truly be unhealthy. One can simply buy the flour, the cooking oil, and treats such as candy and lollipops:

And even soda drinks--because let's face it, due to the climate there are a lot of dry mouths in California:

The more Buddy described these clubs dispensaries, a idea began to bud in my mind.

Now it’s well known that this Hippie Chick is a WilcoheadWilcoheads are the new Deadheads.

In two weeks I will see My Jeff Tweedy of Wilco headline the Ann Arbor Folk Festival.

What, I thought, if there were a way to do something special at the concert so I could feel compassion and oneness with all the suffering people in the economically-depressed state of Michigan. And with all the suffering people in the great state of California (where the increase of reports of nauseousness is now at epidemic proportions)?

And what if I could figure out at way to feel the joy and oneness with all the other Wilcoheads of the World?

And at the same time satisfy my chocolate or sweet tooth?

That would be like, so, groooovy.

Why I could share cannabis brownies or peanut butter cups or flavored lollipops with the whole crowd!!!  It would be like a Hip Halloween Happening.

I could. I could. I think I could.

But no.

I quickly came down to Earth.

My state of Ohio, having always felt compassion towards Dick Cheney, has only just become a blue state. Medical Mary Jane is a ways down the long and winding road.

There are no cannabis treats to be found here.

It seemed if I really wanted to become one and share the joys and pains with others at the concert, it would have to be the old-fashioned way:

But once again I realized my delusion.

Why, you say? I thought you were Hippy Chick Extraordinnaire? Why couldn't you indulge the old-fashioned way?

Yes, of course. Of course. But you see, this:

as some of you know, is the leaf of an Ohio buckeye tree.

Which is the mascot of The Ohio State Buckeyes.

Which are the arch rivals of The University of Michigan Wolverines.

Which is in Ann Arbor.

And even though Ann Arbor is home to the Hash Bash, if this Hippie Chick were to light up a leaf of an Ohio buckeye at the Ann Arbor Folk Festival, she would no longer be a Wilcohead.

She’d be a Deadhead.

And a Deadhead who hadn't yet reached enlightenment at that!


A special shout out for Muskrat for loaning me his snuggie photo and my Bestest Buddhist Buddy whom I love more than Buddha and JC himself.  John Cusack, that is.

STAY TUNED: Tuesdays With my Other Buddhist Buddy--the Straight One.

There are lots more gays and breeders at Humor-Blogs.


Unknown said...


Unknown said...

(does long slow ritual dance of being firstness)

Unknown said...

Imagine Dick Cheney stoned. Realising what he is ...

This is one reason why some things are illegal - someone like that opening his third eye just a little would make his tiny minded eyes bulge from their cranium.

Enjoy the festival. & California dispensaries sound pretty damn great. Drugs on the government? Hey, your taxes do buy something useful.

Schmoop said...

Ha. Nicely done. As a fellow Ohioan, know what you are talking about as far as getting beat up over a buckeye leaf in Michigan. Cheers Meg!!

Korie said...

I've heard that atomizers are the healthiest way to imbibe of the happy green plant of mellowness.
Not that I'd know or anything (it's leagal next door in Holland...muah!)

for a different kind of girl said...

Chips-A-High? AWESOME! That's a high five moment around the old marketing brainstorming table.

I got one of those slankets...I wonder if I'm a Buddist monk now? I think I lack the appropriate enlightenment.

Michael from said...

Who is that pervert in the backless monk robe? Is that a snuggie? My goodness.

Anonymous said...

You do realize you posted this on a Sunday and yet it has called Tuesdays? Are you sure that was an Ohio state leaf you were smoking?g

Meg said...

Chris - I think the government's plan is to keep them all high so they don't realize their lack of water or loss of civil rights.

Matt-Man - Still I have sympathy for their suffering-- Their sucky U of M football team.

Lilac - So that explains why you're always on the road.

FADKOG - Chips-A-High, great idea!!

Muskrat - I don't know who he is...I just wanted to increase my stats.

Unfinished - I'm speaking of the "Metaphorical Tuesday" as in Morrie.

Anonymous said...

See you at 7 after my Econ class. I won't be commando today.

Anonymous said...

Wilco? I thought they were the Traveling Wilburys. Whoops! My bad. hehe

TuTu's Bliss said...

Okay, I have been trapped in your blog for sometime, caught in laughter. I'm a little frightened but amused enough to keep reading :)Thanks for the laugh

Cat said...

When I'm through with this whole parenting gig, I'm moving to CA and getting an Rx. Probably not, but I can dream.

Meg said...

Chris - A bit younger and hipper than the Wilburys.

Tu Tu - Thanks so much. Cheers!

Cat - You and me both. It is home to My John Cusack, you know.

Anonymous said...

We used to live in Tonyo Japan, remember? said...

You crack me up so much that I don't really know where to begin on this comment... So I won't.

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh wow! So glad I followed you here from Bossy's...I'll be back for sure!
Oh, and I'm pretty sure even the Buddhist feel OK with hating on Cheney ;)

The Self-Deprechaun said...

That druid outfit is a big seller into the Bhuddist life though. Looks like it would be great for this winter. Except I wouldn't be naked underneath.

Wilcohead right here as well!

A Free Man said...

I just learned the term 'Cougar' the other day - from an American sitcom no less. I like it. I've had one or two of them in the past...

María said...

I want a Snuggie. and some marijuana...

Chasity said...

Having been born and mostly raised in Southern Michigan, I can assure you they would smell your buckeye leaf the second you reached the state line - or rolled down the window, whichever.

Michael from said...

These are some funny comments. Had to come back by to see what happened since my last visit. I agree with Immoral Matriarch. Snuggies are SO much better with dope, I hear.

Anonymous said...

Fellow commentatorers:

My recent remarks will all make perfect sense at some point in the future, perhaps. You just need to get one of those cards and become a patint of Dr. Toilet. Yes, that is almost correct.