Thursday, January 8, 2009

Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part One)

He’s also a Palestinian, but why label?

So anyway he was going “commando,” which was the first thing I learned from Buddhist Buddy. Commando means sans underwear. Hey, I’m just a lacrosse mom, what do I know?

Anyway, my buddy was helping out at a Buddhist temple. It should be noted that it was a Buddhist temple of a different, ah…orientation than my other Best Buddhist buddy attends.

Yes, this Hippie Chick Lacrosse mom—lacrosse is the new soccer, you know—has two Best Buddhist Buddies. The Gay one’s sect is Japanese-oriented. The Straight one’s sect is Tibetan. The two of them go back and forth about whether it’s better to chant (Japanese) or to meditate (Tibetan). I try to stay out of this debate, as I’d rather nap than do either.

Anyway, he was commando while helping another member –a small, straight, Japanese man--rake the leaves around the grounds. As the two of them were bending down to scoop up the leaves, Gay Buddhist’s pants split wide open, leaving his genitals to hang out in the face of Small Straight Japanese Buddhist.

Oh, said Tiny Straight Buddhist

Now it should be noted here that my Gay Buddhist Buddy is a "Bear"-- the second thing I learned. A bear is a large, more masculine type gay.

Usually a hairy, working class stiff as opposed to a "Twinkie," which is your garden variety slender, attractive, hairless Abercrombie-wearing fruit.

Oh, said Tiny Straight Buddhist again (yes, expressions of shock are the same in both languages).

Gomen Nasai. Gomen Nasai. Gomen Nasai, my Buddhist Bear chanted, bowing deeply while backing up.

That’s what you do when you offend a Japanese person. You say, "pardon me" while bowing as low as you can go. That lower one bows, the more sincerity and respect one is showing.

And make no mistake. The Japanese take their bowing very seriously. There are instructions on office walls on how to do it so they don't screw up.

Basically everyone in Japan  bows. The elevator girls:

The penguins:

Even the ATMs:

But when you bow as low as you can go while your rather large Bare-ish genitals are hanging out, actually hanging out and flopping up and down [insert your own visual image here], you quite possibly are showing the opposite of respect.

Which is another thing I learned from Gay Buddhist Buddy: respect is a key tenet of Buddhist thought. As the Buddha put it, "You should respect each other and refrain from disputes; you should not, like water and oil, repel each other, but should, like milk and water, mingle together.”

But you know, I'm just not seeing Big Bear and Tiny Jap mingling much in the future.


Stay Tuned for Part Two With Real Photos!!!

Posted at Humor-Blogs.


Enchanted said...

LMAO! I would have loved to have been there and seen that! Well, not so much a gay mans business bouncing up and down but the looks on their faces!
OMG I can't wait to see part two!

Vodka Mom said...

I am LOL!!!

That was fantastic! I spit out my coffee!!!

Needless To Say said...

Oh! I can't wait for the real photos and the rest of the story!

MammaDucky said...

Bahahahahaha! This made my crapparific morning less crappy. I have some interesting visuals floating around in my little head.

Meg said...

Enchanted - Thanks. But I hope I don't disappoint you. Part II is about drugs.

Vodka Mom - Yikes. I hope it wasn't in disgust.

Needless to Say - Be prepared. The photos are kind of gay.

MammaDucky - Glad I could help out.

ReformingGeek said...

Oh, my, my. I'm so glad I found blogs and am finally getting the education I need to succeed in life. ;-)

That was hilarious!

Anonymous said...

The political incorrectness of this post is...awesome!

Meg said...

ReformingGeek - Yes, it's hard to be a geek and read this blog.

Chris - This post is SO not politically incorrect. I'm telling it like it is--with my BGFF's (Best Gay Friend Forever) blessings. Buddhist blessings, that is.

Anonymous said...

It's like a story from my childhood...I know exactly how it will end. Hilarious!

Meg said...

Chris Again - OK. Maybe the word Jap is politically incorrect. But I lived in Tokyo for two years. I speak the language, eat the food, drink the Kirin beer. I loves me those Japs.

Jen - Really. You knew some Buddhists as a kid? Cool.

JD at I Do Things said...

Awesome. I think we should incorporate bowing into American culture. Some nude genitals might not go amiss, either.

JD at I Do Things

Suzanne said...

Hilarious post! OMG!
Laughing and learning at the same time, awesome.

Chat Blanc said...

Holy "I ripped my pants, my genitals fell out and now I can't stop bowing!" I'm not sure which of the guys to feel sorrier for!

Michael from said...

A couple points: 1) my highschool mascot was the commandos. 2) my snuggie makes me feel like I'd fit in well in this culture.

Anonymous said...

Gang: Speaking of "commando." Google "komando video man laugh" and see the first item. You will then lose your coffee at both ends!

Peg's ole pal

Matt said...

Luckily they usually bow towards you...

I'm hoping he shaves.

Anonymous said...

Ok, that's wicked funny.

For the record, when I went to Japan a few years back Gomen Nasai was the first phrase I had to learn. Very useful that. ;)

OHmommy said...

Oh dear gawd.... i am so lol!

Anonymous said...

I always strive to be as balanced and content as Kwai Chang Caine. But then something stresses me out, pushes my buttons, or pisses me off - and I get all "Kung Fu" on everybody.

Not literally, of course.

Anonymous said...

I like the thought of the parts blowing around in the wind! hee hee. Too funny!

Unknown said...

Zen dog dreams of a medium sized bone.

Anonymous said...

I totally want my own Gay Buddhist Buddy now!

Amy said...

This is really funny. I remember the first time I heard the term, "bear" from my "twinkie" of a gay brother. I laughed so hard. I am going to have to forward this post to him. :)

Kaylia Metcalfe said...

So glad I read this after my trip.../giggle