Friday, May 17, 2013

Micro Brews, Spinach and Ex-husbands

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, encouraging my kids to eat drugs. Well, here's another subject I get a D- in: Arguing in Front of the Children.

As I mentioned, my ex-husband and I still live together.  It's called birdnesting.  The idea is, that since the kids didn't get a divorce, they shouldn't be shuffled from place to place.  With birdnesting, the kids stay in the house, and the parents take turns staying with them.  Only we don't take turns.  Cause we  can't afford it  think it's better for the family.  We each have our separate rooms, but occasionally have a micro-brew together.

The other day I joined him and Daughter on the deck.  The two of them were talking about school and she said something to which he expressed doubt. And if there's one button that Ex can push, it's my Doubt Button.  So to my utter and complete surprise...the PAST came up.  It came up cause I brought it up.

The PAST (combined with a few micro-brews) goes something like this:

Remember when you told your old girlfriend that she was crazy and couldn't have possibly owned a particular make and model car?  Remember?  Cause you said they didn't make them that year.  And so rather than drop the argument, she drove you to a dealership to prove it.  And you were so wrong!!!!

Or the time you doubted me about my brother's first name.  I looked at Daughter.  Your dad once told me my brother's name couldn't be Jack.  It had to be John.  Jack was a nickname, he'd insisted. So I called your grandma, asked her what Jack's real first name was, and put the receiver to Dad's ear.  Proves your dad doesn't know jack.

Or the time, I turned back to Ex, you wouldn't believe the take-out salad I got was spinach.  You said it was too good to be spinach and that spinach wouldn't have such a bad reputation if it tasted so good.  It could so not be spinach, you'd said.  So I called the restaurant, asked what kind of salad I had just picked up and put the receiver to your ear.  It was sooo spinach!!!

You know how when the PAST comes up, it has a way of snowballing out of control.  And it did. It did cause I make it snowball out of control.

Or the time you refused to believe that some people wore pajamas to bed without underwear.  I swear I'm not making this up (oops, I think I just stole that from Dave Barry).  Do you recall how I polled my friends at the Barnes and Noble coffee shop and the results were 50/50.  He'd chalked it up to the fact I have weird friends.  I chalked it up to the fact that Irish Catholics are so out of touch.

Or how about that time, I went on, at the Hampton Inn in Dubois when you contended that queen size beds were bigger than king size.  They had to be bigger, you'd said knowingly, because the queen has more power in chess than the king.  That time the kids came to my aid with confirmation.  They know a king size bed when they're jumping on it.

I mean, really, with all that ammunition what could he say?

Here's what he said:

Why should I believe everything everyone tells me?  It's good to have healthy skepticism.

About Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, I shrieked. Not spinach.  It just shows that you don't have trust in people.

Have confidence in yourself, he retorted.  You don't need to prove anything.

He was right.  So I left Daughter and Dad and went inside to find out the latest scandal in Downton Abbey Season 3.  OMG the baby will be christened a, a.... Catholic!


And so it goes.  Another Day in the Life.  I suck at not arguing in front of the kids. I suck at bringing up the past.  I suck cause I just plagiarized Vonnegut and the Beatles.

But honestly... the fact that Ex has always doubted me and now seems to doubt Daughter... is probably the one single reason he is an Ex.  To me, it shows a lack of trust.  And how can you have a relationship without trust?

This is something that still hurts.

A lot.

Something that doesn't exist in My Fantasy Life.


sage said...

If we could all be as good as we are in our fantasies, the world would be darn near perfect...

Faith said...

Girl, you hit the nail on the head with this one. I swear, my life is like one huge Pinterest project gone wrong. I'm just getting my mom blog started; if you could swing by and check it out, I'd honestly appreciate it. Keep up the great work!

soni said...