Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Goodness, My Guinness (Toast)


A few years ago I found myself in an Irish pub during a Guinness Toast contest. Not to be outdone by any 21-year old punks, I began scribbling furiously. When I went up to the mic to read--little did those punks know I was the winner of the Sub Shop's Poetry Slam (a cash prize of $7.34)--I used my official poet's cadence:


Here's a toast to you beers that just will not do.

To you so weak in flavor, make me insides turn blue.

To you Mic, to you Bud, to you Miller Lite,

Your dreadfully tame taste makes me stomach take flight.

To your pitiful odor, to your flat, foamless head,

Your piss-yellow color, makes me wish I were dead.

To you losers, you failures, I'm pouring you out.

So long forever.

For me...Guinness Stout.


After I read, the audience erupted in cheers. I won first place--the prize being this official Guinness hat, which Donkey can't seem to part with in spite of Teen's attempt to wear it to school:






Posted at Humor-Blogs.


18 comments:

unfinishedrambler said...

I can't think of anything to say, because I'm not a beer drinker and mostly like girlie drinks, but my wife will say something later, I'm sure, because she loves Guinness. She read the post, but she says she can't perform under pressure. Geez. Anyway...

Matt-Man said...

I like Guinness, but I am more into quantity. I can't drink it in mass quantities. Good toast, Meg. Cheers and Slainte!!

Ms Picket To You said...

i lurve you, and since the machine died, have lost your to:.. HELP! I am going and we must rock.

papercages said...

Wish I could have been there. Ya did yourself proud girl.

Jocelyn said...

Ain't it amazing how the drink inspires one's muse?

You asked, btw, in your comment on my blog, if I love beer.

Honey, I'm soaking in it RIGHT NOW.

We are made for each other.

Jocelyn said...

Whoops: I just looked at your profile and saw the Flogging Molly on there.

Um. Never mind.

Chris Wood said...

Guinness is great. I had some over the weekend.

Good poem!

Jenn Thorson said...

Slainthe! I love Guinness!

Pearl said...

I applaud your toast, your taste in beers (including the two-hearted ales, yum!) and your taste in music. Have written down "Black 47" to check out in the near future...
Pearl

Kay said...

I will think of you on Tuesday :)

Candice said...

Not a beer drinker, but the poem kicked ass!

Hobbes said...

Couldn't have said it better.

The Office Scribe said...

That poem is perfectly crafter like the foamy head of a good Irish stout...

If it were possible I would send you one if the Irish Car Bomb cupcakes I am bringing into work tomorrow...

Father Muskrat said...

I love Guinness! But Boddington's is better.

Angry Max said...

Like Rambler, I'm not man enough for Guinness. I always thought it was like drinking a sandwich.

Great ditty though.

Debbie said...

Well congrats to you! It was great.

Jeff said...

If I wasn't at work I'd raise a toast to you right now. Most excellent... you deserved to win. Those kids didn't know who they were messin with!

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