Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part One)

He’s also a Palestinian, but why label?

So anyway he was going “commando,” which was the first thing I learned from Buddhist Buddy. Commando means sans underwear. Hey, I’m just a lacrosse mom, what do I know?

Anyway, my buddy was helping out at a Buddhist temple. It should be noted that it was a Buddhist temple of a different, ah…orientation than my other Best Buddhist buddy attends.

Yes, this Hippie Chick Lacrosse mom—lacrosse is the new soccer, you know—has two Best Buddhist Buddies. The Gay one’s sect is Japanese-oriented. The Straight one’s sect is Tibetan. The two of them go back and forth about whether it’s better to chant (Japanese) or to meditate (Tibetan). I try to stay out of this debate, as I’d rather nap than do either.

Anyway, he was commando while helping another member –a small, straight, Japanese man--rake the leaves around the grounds. As the two of them were bending down to scoop up the leaves, Gay Buddhist’s pants split wide open, leaving his genitals to hang out in the face of Small Straight Japanese Buddhist.

Oh, said Tiny Straight Buddhist

Now it should be noted here that my Gay Buddhist Buddy is a "Bear"-- the second thing I learned. A bear is a large, more masculine type gay.



Usually a hairy, working class stiff as opposed to a "Twinkie," which is your garden variety slender, attractive, hairless Abercrombie-wearing fruit.



Oh, said Tiny Straight Buddhist again (yes, expressions of shock are the same in both languages).

Gomen Nasai. Gomen Nasai. Gomen Nasai, my Buddhist Bear chanted, bowing deeply while backing up.

That’s what you do when you offend a Japanese person. You say, "pardon me" while bowing as low as you can go. That lower one bows, the more sincerity and respect one is showing.



And make no mistake. The Japanese take their bowing very seriously. There are instructions on office walls on how to do it so they don't screw up.



Basically everyone in Japan  bows. The elevator girls:



The penguins:



Even the ATMs:




But when you bow as low as you can go while your rather large Bare-ish genitals are hanging out, actually hanging out and flopping up and down [insert your own visual image here], you quite possibly are showing the opposite of respect.

Which is another thing I learned from Gay Buddhist Buddy: respect is a key tenet of Buddhist thought. As the Buddha put it, "You should respect each other and refrain from disputes; you should not, like water and oil, repel each other, but should, like milk and water, mingle together.”

But you know, I'm just not seeing Big Bear and Tiny Jap mingling much in the future.

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Stay Tuned for Part Two With Real Photos!!!

Posted at Humor-Blogs.