How I Spent My Midlife Crisis...I Mean, Summer Vacation

Did you ever spend an entire summer taking classes such as Teaching Phonemic Awareness, Teaching Phonics and Spelling for Emergent Readers, and Introduction to the Underlying Principles and Research for Effective Literacy Instruction and discover that you really don't want to renew your teaching license?

It's not that I don't like teaching.  It's the students.  They're big, loud and have terrible tastes in music.  

In my fantasy life, I'd be a Digital Video Disc Recommender (aka Digital Versatile Disc Recommender).  So instead of teaching Reading, I'd stand in front of the Skittles at Block Buster and recommend movies like The Reader--but not to watch with a 13-year old daughter like I did, cause there's lots of sex in it.  

And lots of sex prompts serious discussions with teen girls, such as "Do you think those are real?"  Not to make fun of anyone's tragedy, but the notion that a body can be identified by breast implants gives me one more reason to consider them. 

But of course, I'm getting a divorce. 

And I'm realizing I don't want to be a teacher. 

There are no implants for me in my future. 

And truly, I don't need them.  Here I am with some artists friends:

So you see, I don't need implants.  What I really need is a lift.

Can anyone give me a lift?

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BTW, I've been Spoofed by VE.  Check it out HERE.

posted at humor-blogs and Penthouse