Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Secret Santa Can Suck It--The Sequel

Bee's been busy again organizing a second round of Not So Secret Santas.

The idea is to present your assigned blogger with a picture of a gift on the internet--quite brilliant when you think about. You don't have to shell out any real money, plus you don't have to travel to Texas or Idaho--the states most populated with bloggers--to present it.

My guy is none other than Father Muskrat who is a father in the "fun" sense of the word, not the celibate, long black robe-wearing sense of the word.

Anyway, I searched the internet, but really, all the cool gifts were taken. Like the small island nation of Wherdafugrwe that Heinous gave Don at Beyond Left Field.

Or the "Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes" Chris Wood got for Diesel.

So I thought, what the hell. I am nothing if not about re-gifting. I'll find something cool for him right here in my own home.

OK. What do I know about Father Muskrat? I think he has something to do with the law, but I'm not really sure which side of it.  At any rate, what guy couldn't use stuff to wear to "work".

Thus I'm giving him my Tazmanian Devil tie, my Mickey Mouse belt bucket and my "Dick Said Come necklace".

But then I thought, those are gay--gay as in the "fun" sense of the world.

So perhaps the better way to go was to get something for the kid. 

It didn't take long to find the perfect hands-on thing. My shoe phone:

But I had visions of the kid's first word being "Imsorrythenumberyouhavedailed," plus shoe fetishes are nothing to laugh at, so I went with my Pillsbury Dough Boy instead:

But really? Did I want to be responsible for introducing the kid to his first neutered doll? 

And I seem to remember reading something about NASCAR and the military on Muskrat's blog, so I'm pretty sure Father would think the Dough Boy is uber gay.

And then I got it! The perfect thing! Because all those babies really do at that age is eat and drink, right?  

Of course, I am nothing if not a decision-impaired, guilt-ridden perfectionist (and I really didn't want to give up my Tony the Tiger spoon). I was assigned Father Muskrat after all, not his kid--who I'm sure is getting all the attention in the household as it is, leaving Father without the kind of "fun" he's been used to. 

So what could I give him? 

I thought and thought till my thoughter was sore. And I finally came up with another gift more.

It's something special, practical, educational and meaningful--for both Father and Son. It's my bird poops of the world t-shirt:

Because what else do babies do besides eat? They spit up. And when Muskrat wears this, you won't be able to tell:

Also, I seem to remember something on Muskrat's blog about a public display of bodily waste, so I think he'll be into it.

Posted at Humor Blogs where there's lots more "fun".


for a different kind of girl said...

If he doesn't want the necklace, can I have it? Because that is The Awesome!

Also, I'm going to admit to being a little giddy now because I HAD (and wish I still did) THE SAME SHOE PHONE!! Mine was white, and was fantastic.

Queen Goob said...

I sooo want that shirt to match the "Endangered Feces" one I picked up in Colorado.

MOST fab!!!

Merry Christmas!

Unknown said...

A birdshit of the world t-shirt? Thoughtful AND practical.

Anonymous said...

ok, those are fucking hysterical. Personally I'm a fan of the necklace... but that's just me. ;)

sage said...

I love that T-shirt... but I'm not sure the two people who are so into birds would find it as funny as I do... And that shoe phone, too bad I already brought my staff Christmas presents--for I have one staff member who has all kinds of shoe stuff on her desk and wall-but then I'd have to be creative instead of boring with everyone and there just isn't enough time! Merry Christmas.

April said...


Jen said...

This is hysterical, although I would want that necklace, personally. ;-)

A Free Man said...

Man, you put way more thought into it than I ever do? If it's a guy I buy a six pack, a girl bath stuff. I hate Secret Santas...

I'd take the Superman plate though ;)

Chasity said...

That t-shirt is awesome! I'd pay good money for spit-up cammoflauge.

Anonymous said...

Will you help me with my Christmas shopping next year?

MsPicketToYou said...

shall i send my address? will you send me something for reals? i think you need to go on Oprah next December and show off all of your "Favorite Things."

Michael from said...

This rocks my face! When I first started reading this, I thought, "great, a bunch of regifts: shit from around Meg's house that nobody would want." But, oh how wrong I was.

The t-shirt is pretty stylin' and practical, and I certainly dig on the dirty Dick and Jane item. And, you're right about the tie--there's no way I wouldn't send a lying plaintiff into a sniveling heap when he saw Taz staring at him on cross-examination.

Well done, and thanks again!

Bee said...

I would love that T-Shirt! I get shit on everyday might as well make it official. Very funny Meg!

Anonymous said...

You're so thoughtful, Meg. I had a feeling the 'Skrat, as I like to call him (I don't know why, maybe because I have a feeling it would annoy the hell out of him), would like the gift and lo and behold, he did. You're very good at this gifting thing.

musingwoman said...

Is it only me, or does the Pillsbury Dough Boy look like he just passed gas?

Anonymous said...

You are a great gift-giver. We have a Garfield glass from McDonald's that I won at your New Year's party a few years ago. One of my kids thought it deserved to sit front and center in the china cabinet, and so it does.


Suzie said...

I want the phone!!! I want it I want it!

Femin Susan said...

Congratulations....Your posting is very interesting...Keep writing.. Welcome to my blog...
Wishing you in advance "A Merry X'Mas and A Happy New Year''

Restless Ink said...

Wow. You had all those at your house?! Impressive. You could seriously open up your own "Secret Santa Can Suck It" Gift Shop.

The t-shirt is AWESOME...where in the hell did you score that?!

You're too much fun!

Alice said...

Yo darlin...I was going through some of your past posts and I've got to say that the baby heads on your stairwell are creeping me out.

Do you NOT get the heebie-jeebies at night with those things?!?!?!


Unknown said...

I'm off to compare that Northern Cardinal to the real thing...

and Thanks! It took me weeks to find just the right island.